9/11 Memorial: Sorry We Made Those Kids Stop Singing the National Anthem

Sam Biddle · 04/26/16 11:55AM

Security guards have a bad reputation for wanton enforcement of arbitrary rules. Is it deserved? Watch this video of a guard at Ground Zero silence a bunch of North Carolina school kids while they’re singing the National Anthem and decide for yourself.

Manhattan Woman Sues 12-Year-Old Nephew for Breaking Her Wrist With an Exuberant Hug

Jay Hathaway · 10/13/15 09:18AM

An Upper East Side aunt is suing her pre-teen nephew for six figures over a broken wrist she suffered when he excitedly jumped into her arms to hug her at his 8th birthday party. Her lawsuit claims his “negligent” and “careless” show of affection caused her serious injuries and losses, noting “I was at a party recently and it was difficult to hold my hors d’oeuvres plate.” Damn.

Here's the Philosophy Essay Vox Found Too Upsetting to Publish

Torbjörn Tännsjö · 08/28/15 01:46PM recently commissioned an essay from Torbjörn Tännsjö, a professor of practical philosophy at Stockholm University, on the “the repugnant conclusion,” a belief that asserts our moral duty to increase the population size because, according to the argument, more humans means more happiness.

11-Year-Old's Alleged Breakup Text: Screw You Joey, Your Not on My Level

Jay Hathaway · 06/30/15 04:30PM

An incoming sixth-grader named Joey is crying into his Starbucks today after his girlfriend caught him cheating on her by going to the park with another girl. She bluntly ended their relationship via perhaps the greatest series of breakup texts ever composed by an 11-year-old.

Ted Cruz's Audience Thought His Announcement Speech Was a Load of Crap

Jordan Sargent · 03/23/15 01:15PM

Ted Cruz officially announced his presidential candidacy today at Jerry Falwell's Liberty University, and though you could scarcely imagine a safer spot for a Republican to deliver an obligatory and ultimately worthless speech, many of the students in attendance were very willing to see through Cruz's rhetoric.

"The World Is On Fire!": Ted Cruz's Speech Terrifies 3-Year-Old Girl 

Aleksander Chan · 03/16/15 07:30AM

During a speech to his conservative supporters in Barrington, New Hampshire this weekend, Senator Ted Cruz bashed the "Obama-Clinton foreign policy of leading from behind," saying the "world is on fire," to the horror of a three-year-old sitting in the front row.