REPORTING FROM THE TAMPA CONVENTION CENTER LOBBY—Chaotic jostling is the order of the day here in south central Florida, where veteran Hollywood actor Jon Voight, known for his supporting role in the 1997 Ice Cube vehicle Anaconda, addressed the media in an extemporaneous manner just moments ago, while standing outside of Ballroom "C" in the moderately crowded Tampa Convention Center lobby.
Here is the saddest movie ever made, according to science: The Champ, starring Jon Voight. Watch it! A guy dies! In front of his son! After winning the, uh, boxing... trophy! Are you crying? Are you sobbing? Okay, whoa, stop, you're embarrassing yourself in front of your coworkers.
Blending accent, appearance and mannerisms, actors transform into different characters like an oversized fleshy chameleon. When they fail at this task—their only task—we reserve the right to mock them. By compiling a video of their ineptitude.
When the conservative satire An American Carol failed to catch fire at this weekend's box office, there were a wealth of potential targets for blame: the terrible, terrible trailer, the heated political climate, even the low-wattage cast of Hollywood's few Republicans (without even so much as a cameo for D.B. Sweeney!). However, the team behind the David Zucker-helmed parody would prefer to ignore those valid debits, instead alleging that there has been a vast, ticket-switching conspiracy designed to deflate American Carol grosses (and boost, perhaps, the thinly-veiled pro-immigration dogma of Beverly Hills Chihuahua?):
On John McCain's last fundraiser jaunt through Hollywood, he attracted a motley crew of the men and women who make up the industry's smallest club: Republicans. Hollywood titans like Wilford Brimley, Craig T. Nelson, and Jon Cryer (who was just gathering information!) all turned out to support the candidate who thinks "celebrity" is a dirty word and has the endorsement roster to prove it. So what glittering surprises did McCain have up his sleeve for last night's McCain/Palin fundraiser across the street from CAA? Let's take a look!
Like most other all-night diners in the vicinity, Defamer's Washington Bureau is positively churning with activity a mere 11 weeks from Election Day. Alas, with so many other outlets having beat us to the punch regarding, say, Barack Obama's fund-raising prowess, we're left to cover an arguably more urgent and immediate controversy affecting liberal firebrand Roseanne Barr and her outspoken conservative archrival Jon Voight. And while it seemed like fun from a distance when the comedienne first lobbed mud last Friday, a closer look today has us dodging sallies in every direction.In case it slipped by you last week, Roseanne got off a Jon Voight blast labeling the Oscar winner as both a "used tampon" and "frightened little girl in a pink ballet tutu" whose anti-Obama screeds are the bidding of the Republican Party. But Voight's an easy enough target; Roseanne, who's known to blame her worst writing on disgruntled interns rather than 'fess up to blogging under the influence, then took aim at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie — and their kids:
Comedian Roseanne Barr took to her website yesterday and unloaded on everyone. Hey, it's fun! On Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie: "jon voight your evil spawn angelina jolie and her vacuous hubby brad pitt make about forty million dollars a year in violent psychopathic movies and give away three of it to starving children trying to look as if they give a fuck about humanity as they spit out more dunces that will consume more than their fair share and wreck the earth even more." And that's tepid compared with what she serves up for Voight himself, George Bush, John Edwards, and his former mistress Rielle Hunter.
We have learned a great many things during this election year, but chief among them is that Republicans hate Hollywood (though not really). In fact, their vendetta against Tinseltown is so strong that they have now seized the means of production, which would at least explain the trailer for the upcoming right-wing comedy An American Carol — that is, if anything could explain An American Carol. A spoof of The Christmas Carol from Republican director David Zucker, it's the story of a Michael Moore-resembling filmmaker who is shown the error of his ways by a cast made up of Hollywood's biggest Republicans. If that description sounds a little dry, try these details on for size: the Moore stand-in comes to his senses when he is taught to kill members of the ACLU, and George Washington is played by Jon Voight. A closer look at the insanity, after the jump:As egregious and anti-funny as nearly every beat in the trailer is (we were especially partial to Gary Coleman's slave-talkin'), they all pale in comparison to this scene, teased by Reason:
Jon Voight's recent toe-dip into the murky pool of political commentary attracted more than a few piranhas, the hungriest of whom may have been Hollywood Elsewhere's Jeffrey Wells. And after a July 29 blog item suggested freezing Voight's career as payback for his public condemnation of Barack Obama ("If I were a producer and I had to make a casting decision about hiring Voight or some older actor who hadn't pissed me off with an idiotic Washington Times op-ed piece, I might very well say to myself, 'Voight? Let him eat cake'"), Bill O'Reilly came a-calling last night with a theory about a new Hollywood blacklist against conservatives. While we (and Wells himself, apparently) had hoped for a more bloodthirsty offensive from Wells, we're endlessly engrossed by his session on Dr. O'Reilly's couch, elucidating the vengeful feelings inherent to angry industry bloggers everywhere. Seriously, Bill, this is nothing — wait until Oscar season. [Fox News]