It's a tearful day in the world of cosmopolitan magazines and television studios, as the infamously sane Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman has dropped out of the race, due to a near-total void of interest in his campaign among Republican primary voters. How did this relatively competent-seeming person lose his support so dramatically? Well, he didn't; he never had any support. So let's remember his anemic campaign with a gallery of some funny photos and ludicrous screen shots.
The Republican presidential nominating contest is blowing wide open, as candidates move from the boring grassroots-organizing lowlands of Iowa and New Hampshire to the broader markets of South Carolina, Florida, Arizona, Michigan, Nevada, Colorado, and everywhere else. So we've compiled a list of collectibles that you — the resident, reporter, operative, thief, cad, provocateur, etc. — can procure for your beloved Gawker Political Desk in return for fair compensation. What are we looking for?
On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart gave us his thoughts on the results of the New Hampshire primary. He took a swipe at Mitt Romney's victory speech and the results spin by MSNBC's Lawrence O'Donnell. And Stewart had time for a couple of shots at Jon Huntsman and the victory speech that accompanied his third place finish. Get the jokes in now, Jon, who knows how much longer you'll have Huntsman to kick around.
It's time to cover the results of the First Primary in the Nation, New Hampshire — that famous outlier among the Republican coalition that doesn't tell you much about anything! Mitt Romney is expected to win, but will he win by enough? That's how we're sucking you in tonight. If Mitt Romney doesn't get 52% of the vote, or let's say 100%, his campaign is over. Grab your assault rifle and poor a beer down your ear, as we watch — together.
Okay, "stupid" isn't really the most nuanced way to describe this. It's also quite funny in its tactlessness, once you work through all the racism and vomit a few times. It shows clips of Jon Huntsman speaking Chinese, which everyone knows he speaks because he was the ambassador to China. There is also, what do you call it, "stock Chinese music" playing in the background. It notes that Huntsman has adopted two daughters from the East. None of this is congratulatory, however; it takes the more racist is Jon Huntsman the Manchurian candidate? path. Who made this wonder of wonders?
Despite tracking at 1% or less in many polls, Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman remains in the race. He hopes to get a boost this week from an assault of new pro-Huntsman TV ads airing in New Hampshire, paid for by a Super PAC, that was funded in part by Huntsman's billionaire father. Huntsman may seem like a daddy's boy now, but as Stephen Colbert explained (and the showed) on tonight's Report, things could be much worse.
On Friday, the conservative website Newsmax announced it would hold a Republican presidential debate on December 27, moderated by none other than Donald Trump. Only Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich have so far accepted the invitation, with Jon Huntsman and Mitt Romney refusing it—even Karl Rove doesn't like the idea! But you know who is excited about the prospect of a Trump Debate? Jon Stewart, as he explained on tonight's Daily Show.
The GOP's Presidential candidates split sharply on the question of whether or not to torture prisoners at Saturday night's national security debate in South Carolina. Herman Cain and Michele Bachmann aggressively defended the use of waterboarding, while Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman condemned torture as immoral and illegal.
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg addressed an international economic forum at Columbia University on Thursday, during which he sounded off against certain, nameless, intellectually substandard presidential candidates who claim not to believe in things like the theory of evolution and global warming.
The Jon Huntsman 2012 campaign is leveraging three of his daughters in a bold attempt to win over the youthful YouTube Parody Watcher vote! These gals have been quietly tweeting jokes about the other candidates for some time now as @Jon2012girls. And now they've made a parody of Herman Cain's chief of staff smoking ad, in which they blow bubbles instead.
Jon Huntsman, aka the Mormon ex-governor running for the Republican nomination for president not named Mitt Romney, sat down with Stephen Colbert on tonight's Report, no doubt hoping to bump up his anemic poll numbers. And while Huntsman's defense of Mormonism (people will come around, just like they did in the '60s with JFK and Catholicism), concern about economic inequality in America, and demonstration of his fluency in Mandarin made for good television, it probably won't do him much good in shoring up support with the GOP's conservative base.
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, who only 13 days ago declared that he was "increasingly concerned about the growing mobs occupying Wall Street and the other cities across the country," appears to have transformed into a radical communist. He's now acknowledging that America's vast income inequality is potentially problematic. He'll flesh out his ideas in a speech tomorrow at that most suffering of institutions, the Wharton School of Business, where most of the people responsible for our income inequality crisis have picked up a degree or two.
The metropolitan region of Las Vegas, Nevada, has suffered economic collapse more brutal than anywhere following the bursting of the housing bubble. Eighty percent of homeowners are underwater on their mortgages in some parts of the city. It suffers from worse unemployment than any other major metropolitan region in the country. And now, worst of all, the city will have to host a bunch of assholes running for president in tonight's 432nd GOP presidential debate since Labor Day. Who will "win"? The rich guy always wins.
One-percent presidential candidate Jon Huntsman is playing a sneaky game in his desperate quest to remain a viable presidential candidate throughout the fall. He's trying to preserve his media image as a "moderate" alternative by letting it be known that he believes in evolution and climate change. Since we have such low standards for "moderation" now, this makes him appear serious. But then he sneaks off and delivers the Republican base a radically conservative plan for the economy, a.k.a. the thing that matters. Do not fall for this seemingly nice man!
Jon Huntsman seems like a nice guy and a fine retail politician. Check him out in this clip showing off his legendary musical skills at a shop in Manchester, New Hampshire. There's some guy on the keyboard playing terrifying outer-space death tones, and then Huntsman's like, hey it's my turn, now watch me go all Charlie Brown on this fucker.