Johnny Depp Is Not Concerned About Those Smuggling Charges—And Why Should He Be—His Fall Guy Is Bound to Him For Life

Gabrielle Bluestone · 09/11/15 09:45AM

Suppose one night a witch came to you in a dream and presented you with the following proposition: You can have minor fame and a reasonable prenup if you marry Johnny Depp. But someday, when the time comes, you may have to go to jail for him because he needed a pair of dumb dogs with him on set to “focus,” whatever that means. Would you do it? Honestly, it doesn’t really matter if you would because someone has already taken your place: poor, sweet Amber Heard.

Johnny Depp to Testify in Fake Lover's Insane Murder Case

Kelly Conaboy · 04/12/14 02:15PM

In 2009, Nancy Lekon ran over and killed a pedestrian while driving her limo in downtown L.A.'s Skid Row. (Everyone in L.A. drives a limo, right?) She claims that it was all because she was in the area for a little rendezvous with her then-boyfriend, Johnny Depp. Gosh, I sure hope those two lovebirds had an amicable break-up, because he will now have to take the stand at her trial!

Cowboys and Idiots

Rich Juzwiak · 07/03/13 09:55AM

In Gore Verbinski’s two-and-a-half-hour period-blockbuster take on The Lone Ranger, a layer of dust covers everything. The seconds trickle by slowly like sweat on a brow beaten by the deluding sun. Everything is ugly and uncomfortable. The main antagonist, with grime caked on his fuzzy face, appears and reappears during one of multiple runaway train scenes and start shooting and beating and heisting. I never catch his name.

The Avengers Broke the $1 Billion Mark

Louis Peitzman · 05/13/12 02:51PM

A million dollars isn't cool. You know what— oh, whatever, you know the rest. The Avengers continues to dominate the box office, both domestic and international. This weekend, the superhero movie earned $103.2 million here and another $95.4 million overseas. Add that to the money it's already made, and yep, we've crossed the $1 billion line.

Dark Shadows: Tim Burton's Latest Yawn

Rich Juzwiak · 05/11/12 03:55PM

Tim Burton's riff on the ‘60s/'70s vampire camp soap opera Dark Shadows joins a subset of TV-to-movie adaptations redundantly obsessed with the fish-out-of-water trope. These include The Brady Bunch Movie (great), The Addams Family (sequel's superior) and The Coneheads (sound the screeches of objection). The plots of these films serve to emphasize the transition of media by having their characters marvel at and bumble through a new, unfamiliar environment. It's novelty with a side of novelty. It revels in the supposed dearth of modern invention that fuels remake culture. It's as honest as it is regrettable.

Dark Shadows: Tim Burton Ruins a Classic

Leah Beckmann · 03/16/12 11:46AM

Here's the trailer for the adaptation of the late 60's ghoulish soap opera, Dark Shadows. But alas, coated over and shellacked with Tim Burton camp and Johnny Depp shmaltz, the revival of the cult classic looks like it will be an unrecognizable homage to the original.