Joe Dolce: Arrivederci Asshat

abalk2 · 02/13/07 07:06PM

When a good friend departs the scene, it's only customary to sit back and reflect on the times you've shared together. Is there life for Joe Dolce after Star? Who knows! But good luck, Joe. We'll miss you. We're pretty sure you'll land on your feet. Until then, let's take a look back:

Joe Dolce Wishes He Was Jane Pratt

Emily Gould · 11/10/06 01:50PM

Quoth poor Joe Dolce: " I have to absorb the fierce opinions of more than 62 staffers — even when I really don't feel like hearing about them!" So yeah, he doesn't want to hear his staff's deep thoughts, but he has "decided to share these gems with you" because you so totally do, right? Especially when those thoughts are as genius as copy chief Angela Watford's. She's right: Brad Pitt IS hot! (Whoa, fierce!)
Dear Joe: you asked us to let us know our thoughts about this new feature without holding back ("I know you won't!") so here they are. No. Stop it. We read your magazine for the pictures of the hole in Pamela Anderson's weave, not the words. We don't care what your staffers look like, and we don't want to read canned quotes popping out of their photoshopped mouths. Drawing the curtain aside and revealing the little elves behind the analysis of Tori Spelling's cellulite is like watching sausage being made: you don't really want to know, and also, it's boring. Also, more 'knifestyles' please. Thanks!

Joe Dolce: Finita la Asshat Commedia

abalk2 · 10/30/06 12:50PM

Toward the end of the day on Friday we received an e-mail from a co-worker of douchebag Star EIC Joe Dolce, presumably at Dolce's behest, saying "You need to put Joe Dolce tidbits up today... To quote him just moments ago, 'Doubebag [sic] is depressed' that nothing is up." So, two things: Dolce is now apparently referring to himself as "douchebag" (or, quite possibly, "doubebag") on a regular basis (victory!) and he appears to be enjoying our collection of his greatest hits, which means it's time to wrap the thing up. After the jump you'll find the detritus of our Dolce anecdotes; we will refrain from further coverage until he does something new and douchey, which, if past performance is any predictor, is probably happening as we speak.

Joe Dolce: Asshat Takes the Cake

abalk2 · 10/26/06 09:40AM

In yesterday's chapter of The Joe Dolce Story we wondered about the movie career Joe allegedly engaged in. Today brings further word of the project:

Joe Dolce: Methods of Asshattery

abalk2 · 10/25/06 04:10PM

Our cup overfloweth with anecdotes about douchebag Star EIC Joe Dolce, who we understand is celebrating a birthday soon ("Why is Dolce a complete mess lately? He's turning 50 next month! Yes,underneath the surgically-enhanced face lies a half-a-century-year old relic. Male menopause, anyone?") After the jump we'll take a look at just how far Joe will go to get a story, and we'll give you a bonus Maer Roshan appearance!

Joe Dolce: Portrait of an Asshat

abalk2 · 10/24/06 03:10PM

One of the few grace notes that leavened the tragedy of Jess Coen's departure was her decision to share a story about Star EIC - and champion douchebag - Joe Dolce. Ms. Coen's reminiscences brought forth such a flood of similar tales (Here's a sample: "Which former Details editor in chief regretted having his assistant open his mail when said assistant found a naked picture of the editor in chief's boyfriend?") that we'd be derelict in our duties if we neglected to pass them along to you. After the jump, we bring you a recollection from someone who was present at the creation of Joe's douchey demeanor.

Burning Bridges That Never Really Mattered: Joe Dolce Edition

Jessica · 10/13/06 02:35PM

The general consensus seems to be that with my last few gawking hours, I might as well write the stuff that I couldn't write before. When you put it like that, though — it's your last chance ever! — I kind of space out. There's so much shit-slinging every single day, I can't even keep track of all the dramatics. But there was one recent incident that I'd been saving for when it might prove useful, and now seems like a good time for sharing.

Gossip Roundup: Paris Hilton Kills the Children

Jessica · 06/12/06 11:35AM

• Paris Hilton seems to have backed out on her promise to organize a benefit concert for an Australian charity that works with ill children. And since her failure, some of the children have died. Seriously. [Courier-Mail]
• And as if letting sick kids die weren't offensive enough, Paris also performs a hit-and-run for the paparazzi's benefit. [TMZ]
• Meredith Vieira decides to start wearing underwear for her new gig on the Today show, and so Matt Lauer can finally sleep at night. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Even dolphins want to fuck Jessica Alba. [Page Six]
• Kate Moss chugs Jager, publicly vomits, and returns to form within a matter of minutes. You knew she'd be a master of the boot-n-rally. [Mirror]
Life & Style's new executive editor Mark Coleman receives a rare moment of redemption from Page Six. On Friday, they reported that Star EIC Joe Dolce blames Coleman for for the mag's famous cover gaffes; today, they see emails that prove otherwise. Poor Dolce — usually item-planting goes so smoothly. [Page Six]
• Today marks the 12th anniversary of the OJ Simpson murders. Celebrate with the cheating bitch you love. [R&M (last item)]