Venezuela's interim president knows how the first South American Pope was elected: the late Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez swayed Jesus. Nicolas Maduro said Chavez influenced Jesus, who then inspired the Cardinals to elect their first pope from the South American continent. In his own words, which are brilliant:
A homeless, hatchet-wielding hitchhiker named Kai is being hailed as a hero after saving a woman from the clutches of a bear-hugging racist who claimed to be the reincarnation of Jesus Christ.
Simcha Jacobovici, the Canadian documentary director who claimed in 2011 to have found two of the nails used to crucify Jesus, is suing archaeologist Joe Zias for libel. There are few things more enjoyable than fights between academics, particularly when one of the academics is being accused of pandering and sensationalism. The blog posts fly thick and fast, the Change.org petitions sing with wounded intellectual pride ("we the undersigned simply and collegially request that Mr. Jacobovici abandon his lawsuit"), and everyone gets a chance to play.
AFP tells us that Italian director Romeo Castellucci's production of the play On the Concept of the Face, Regarding the Son of God features the face of Jesus "drizzled in excrement." The Guardian explains the poop on Jesus' face comes from "an excremental stream pouring from his right eye-socket." Sounds a bit like an extreme version of a Gallagher show!
Today in Some Crazy Person Asked Pat Robertson for Advice, we learn that the firebrand cleric doesn't merely dislike Alzheimer's — "I hate Alzheimer's," he says — but he thinks it's totally cool for you to divorce your spouse over it. A man wrote to Pat seeking advice for his friend, whose wife has Alzheimer's and no longer recognizes him. Pat's response, from Tuesday's 700 Club:
There are epic Taser incidents and then there's this: An R&B singer and former candidate for one of Alabama's U.S. Senate seats, Simone De Moore, up until last Sunday was the music director at New Welcome Baptist Church in St. Elmo, Alabama. He was fired by Reverend Riley and, according to Moore's mother, Agolia, "They owed him. He asked them for his money."
Colorado native Don Taylor, who describes himself as "a nonreligious individual," was stopped dead in his tracks when he stumbled upon this divine apparition on his daily routine. Yes, a creeping vine on a telephone pole had taken on the unmistakable form of a crucified Jesus Christ. Local authorities warn potential pilgrimage-makers not to climb the pole to kiss or embrace Telephone Pole Jesus, however, lest they want to receive a 765,000-volt message of peace and love from their Leafy Savior. [7News, photo via Don Taylor's Facebook]
Campus Crusade for Christ, the worldwide college-based "Christian evangelism and discipleship organization," considered 1,600 possible new names for itself before settling on "Cru." The name change was reportedly "met with enthusiasm and excitement" among staffers. "Go to Willis Avenue and tell Jamaican Jay, I'll gladly pay him Tuesday for a bag of boom today," they exclaimed.