Remainders: PopoZo We Knew You Not

Jessica · 09/25/06 06:00PM

• Hey, got a second? Good, take a seat. We've got some distressing news for you, so brace yourself: Kevin Federline's unforgettable first single, "PopoZ o," will not be included on his debut album. We don't understand it either. It's just too soon to see something so great die; sob... [Idolator]
• At a book party he hosted for Arianna Huffington, former Viacom CEO Tom Freston threw FishbowlNY blogger Dylan Stableford out of his apartment. Aw. Jim Kelly would NEVER do that! [FishbowlNY]
GQ editor leaves in favor of being in charge of big boobs at Penthouse. [Radar]
• Speaking of Huffington: if there were only 24 hours before the End of the World, she would blog. Someone get this lady outside, please. [92Y]
• Meet Dethroner, the smart boy blog from Gawker Media alum Joel Johnson, formerly of Gizmodo and performer of other ass-saving duties around HQ. [Dethroner]
• If the boys at Maxim, who'd fuck a rotten cantaloupe if given the chance, find Nancy Grace "unboinkable," you know it's time to put the old gal down. [Maxim]
• The Upper East Side property blown to pieces by Dr. Nicholas Bartha Bartha will be selling for $8 million million. [NY Sun]
• Should Glamour dating blogger have text-sex with a stranger in Iceland? Or should she fuck one of the seventeen other dudes she's publicly playing? [See Alyssa Date]
• Hey, did you hear about blogs? They're good for business. Seriously, if we have to read one more article like this, we're going to smash in every newspaper editor's face with our laptops. [WSJ]
• Jessica Joffe's reign of terror for Banana Republic comes to an end, letting media freaks return to buying overpriced merino without having to see her flaming red hair at every turn. [WWD (2nd item)]

Ryan Adams Defends Jessica Joffe?

Jessica · 08/03/06 11:00AM

An interesting piece of babble just landed in our box. If we are to believe what we're reading, it's a letter from Observer staffer-cum-swan Jessica Joffe's concubine, lovable indie rock schizo Ryan Adams:

Jessica Joffe Would Want You to Buy Those Chinos

Jessica · 08/02/06 12:55PM

Earlier today, we wrote of former Observer scribe-cum-"it" girl Jessica Joffe's magnificent dominance over the September issue of Glamour, having penned the cover interview and her advertisement for Banana Republic gracing the mag's back cover. With some help from the little sleuths over at Jossip, we're now able to reveal Joffe's much-anticipated modeling debut:

September, the Month of Joffe

Jessica · 08/02/06 09:45AM

We never thought we'd write the following words, but: dear God, are we excited for the September issue of Glamour! And not just because we're looking for 100 looks for under $100, either. WWD reports that Jessica Joffe, the former Observer slave who has risen to Vogue fashionista and indie crooner Ryan Adams' fuckbuddy, not only interviews cover model Emmy Rossum but also leaves her well-heeled mark on the back cover, where her much-anticipated Banana Republic ad will debut.

Jessica Joffe Sells Out

Jessica · 05/18/06 09:14AM

In 2005, former Observer wretch Jessica Joffe, having bleached away her ink stains, was one of Vogue's best-dressed, pictured prancing about all the right parties wearing all the right designers. In early 2006, she was named one of Paper mag's most beautiful people, a Burberry-clad beacon of class amidst the celebuspawn and Misshapes. And now, The Daily announces that the original firecrotch will be one of the five faces of Banana Republic's new fragrance collection, Discover. There are five scents in the collection, and Joffe will represent Jade, a "floral-fruity mixture of tropical grenade, musky cotton flower, and Kashmir wood." Alas, we'll have to wait until fall to find out more about Joffe's musky cotton flower — but we're guessing it smells like the mall.

Jessica Joffe Unfairly Suffers at Met Gala

Jessica · 05/02/06 03:36PM

We don't know how it's possible to have spent a significant chunk of our day scrutinizing photos from last night's Met Costume Institute Ball and not have vomited into our laps, but here we are, thighs clean and stomachs under control. The sartorial criticism should be left to those who are much better suited to it, but we can't ignore the image at right, of gay matador Zac Posen and his date, former Observer scribe-cum-swan Jessica Joffe.

Jessica Joffe Update: 'And Friend' Edition

Jessica · 02/08/06 03:27PM

In our continuing coverage of ex-Observer reporter Jessica Joffe's every movement during Fashion Week (a crucial, make-or-break time for a "girl about town"), we've found proof that Joffe is indeed hard at work, doing important research at Behnaz Sarafpour. Atta girl!

Whither Jessica Joffe?

Jessica · 02/07/06 11:34AM

While we earlier grappled with the lack of Jessica Joffe in February's issue of Vogue, it's come to our attention that yesterday's Times was on Joffe duty (we missed this because it was in a Fashion Week article, and our doctor has asked that we limit our contact with that stuff to visuals only). Cathy Horyn writes:

'Vogue' Turns Its Back on Jessica Joffe?

Jessica · 02/07/06 09:03AM

We found ourselves a bit out of our element the other day, belatedly flipping through the February Vogue for reasons including, but by no means limited to, boredom, self-loathing, diet inspiration, social aspiration, Barrymore-boob fascination and the need to smell like a perfume counter. Within moments, however, we realized something was amiss. The magazine reliably had all the usual Vogue-ish elements: impossibly thin models and socialites, first-person accounts of living as a piece of Eurotrash, the typical, unafforadble luxury. So why did this Vogue feel so, well, off?

The Glittery Inanity of the Best-Dressed List

Jessica · 01/05/06 11:15AM

Times fashion writer Eric Wilson originally sparked our ire when, at the end of the transit strike, he let his asshole write a piece on how New Yorkers dressed crappily for their 63-block hikes to work in the freezing cold. This week, however, we'll put our hate on hold, as he's behind an article looking at the season's unending, PR-infused crop of Best-Dressed lists. The lists have become so predictable and beige that they've virtually lost all meaning, thus prompting Vanity Fair to hold off on publishing its 2006 list until it can "regain an element of surprise."