Rich Men Seek Praise for Showering Workers With Pennies

Hamilton Nolan · 07/12/16 11:30AM

Some of America’s biggest corporations are (very publicly) raising the minimum wages of their employees. This is better than nothing, but not as good as, say, dangling a CEO by his ankles and shaking him until all of his billions fall out.

Hamilton Nolan · 09/17/15 04:30PM

JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon, who was paid $20 million last year, acknowledged today that “income inequality has kind of gotten worse” in the past 20 years, but said that inequality is mitigated by the fact that “20 years ago... People didn’t have iPhones.”

Hamilton Nolan · 07/08/15 09:25AM

JPMorgan Chase will reportedly pay at least $125 million to settle state and federal investigations into illegal debt collection methods. Compared to some of the other stuff they’ve done lately, that’s not bad! Give Jamie Dimon another raise.

Of Course Jamie Dimon Got a Raise

Hamilton Nolan · 01/24/14 10:02AM

If you are a "normal" person with "common sense" values who doesn't always "get" the way that Wall Street works, here is a very simple lesson.

Hamilton Nolan · 01/08/14 09:19AM

JPMorgan has agreed to pay a settlement of $2.6 billion for charges related to the bank's failure to stop Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme. In the past two years, the bank has paid close to $30 billion in legal settlements. That number is smaller than JPMorgan's profits, so Jamie Dimon will never get fired.

Jamie Dimon Vs. JPMorgan: One Must Go

Hamilton Nolan · 10/15/13 09:11AM

Jamie Dimon is one of the most admired CEOs on Wall Street. Under his watch, JPMorgan Chase has been penalized for multiple legal violations, capped by the largest legal fines in banking history. Should Jamie Dimon be fired? Well, if not, his bank should be destroyed.

Hubris, High Socks, and other Habits of the Most Powerful People in the World

Hamilton Nolan · 12/13/12 01:15PM

The Masters of the Universe can be identified by their socks. Their millions of dollars, their vast power over commerce, and their socks, which must protrude four inches below the cuff of their suit pants when seated. Any greater length of sock exposure would indicate that the wearer was sitting with his legs crossed. The Masters of the Universe sit with both feet on the floor. These are the alpha dogs.

Jon Stewart Examines the Silliness of Jamie Dimon's Senate Testimony

Matt Toder · 06/14/12 10:30PM

Recently, J.P Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon traveled to Washington DC to explain his company's massive losses to the Senate banking committee. Problem is a lot of those guys are getting campaign donations from J.P. Morgan. On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart broke it all down.

Rich Bankers are Still Crying About 'Unfair' Pay Regulations

Jeff Neumann · 07/06/11 04:15AM

Performing God's work is tough, and should be rewarded accordingly. So it's no surprise that investment banking executives are still bitching and moaning about a looming Federal Deposit Insurance Corp "clawback provision" that would give the government the right to take back up to two years of executives' pay if their banks fail and they ruin the global economy again. It's obviously The Poors' fault for being poor and and stupid and for losing their money, not the guys who are in charge of it.

Tim Geithner Is Finally Ready to Quit

Jim Newell · 06/30/11 05:15PM

Who's the last remaining initial member of President Obama's core economic team? The one people really don't like, Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner. But this job and his term as president of the New York Fed immediately proceeding it are exhausting him. It's backbreaking work, hoisting that money-launching cannon aimed at bankers all day. He's ready to quit.

Lawsuit Claims JPMorgan Ripped Off Its Clients

Jeff Neumann · 04/11/11 12:15AM

Some former clients have filed a class action lawsuit against JPMorgan saying their bests interests weren't taken into account as the financial world first started to collapse in 2007 and, shockingly, that the bank actually profited $1.9 billion from the demise of London-based investment vehicle Sigma while the clients lost nearly $500 million in assets that JPMorgan didn't pull out. Oh the nerve of these not-as-rich-as-they-used-to-be people!

Jamie Dimon Is Whining Again

Jim Newell · 03/31/11 01:47PM

JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon, the princess of Wall Street, is venting again about the ignorant public and regulators whose "misconceptions" are blocking them from seeing the glory and perfection that comes with a fully unregulated financial services sector.