Brooks Brothers Inadvertently Reveals America's Whitest Colleges

Hamilton Nolan · 06/27/11 02:21PM

Brooks Brothers does not make the type of "College apparel" worn by Southeastern Conference country animals on "game day" that serves as little more than a bib for copious amounts of spilled beer and barbecue sauce. That is not what Brooks Brothers does. Brooks Brothers makes dignified casual apparel for American winners.

Princeton Alumni Send Tackiest Memorial Service Invitation Ever

Maureen O'Connor · 05/23/11 04:39PM

This weekend, Princeton's class of 2006 celebrates its five-year reunion with a standard-issue bacchanal. This year's theme: "'06 Feet Under." Cute, right? Except when they announce the '06 reunion memorial service, which now looks like it is being introduced with a wacky pun.

Penn Frat Cleared of Camel Molestation

Hamilton Nolan · 04/27/11 08:37AM

We hasten this morning to bring you the very latest on the Penn Frat Party Camel Abuse Controversy. What's that? You haven't been following the uproar at the Ivy League that erupted after the Zeta Psi fraternity went to a petting zoo and rented a camel for its "Spring Fling" party? And how some people objected to the way that the camel was surrounded by drunken Greeks and petted to within an inch of its life?

Harvard Waitlister Records Desperate Pee-Related Song Begging to Be Let In

Richard Lawson · 04/13/11 11:14AM

Meet Grace Oberhofer, a Washington State teen who has been, gasp, waitlisted at the Stansbury of the east, Harvard University. Waitlisted? Noooo. So what is a disappointed and desperate Harvard wannabe to do? Well, if you're this girl you record a jokey yet still plainly earnest song pleading with the admissions office to let you onto the Yard.

Future Ivy League Student Pistol-Whips Mom Over a Nissan

Max Read · 03/29/11 01:04AM

How a state school student reacts to her mother refusing to co-sign on her used Nissan 350Z: By expressing her frustration in words. How an Ivy League student reacts to her mother refusing to co-sign on her used Nissan 350Z: By pistol-whipping her mother in the head. Of course, 17-year-old Rachel Anne Hachero, who's accused of pistol-whipping and threatening her mother over a black 2004 Nissan 350Z, isn't yet an Ivy Leaguer—according to her mother, she's "been accepted to several Ivy League colleges"—but something tells us she'll fit right in. [News Press]

Fancy Law Students Play With Dog, Reports Important Paper

Hamilton Nolan · 03/22/11 08:42AM

The many perils of law school—how we love to cover them! As does the Lamestream Media. In fact, competition for stories about law school is now so strict among media outlets that the New York Times—once considered a "prestigious" news outlet dedicated to matters of public import—has written and published an entire story about how law students can borrow a dog to play with for 30 minutes at a time.

Celebukid College Joke Rap Genre Reaches Its Nadir With 'Pussy Breath'

Hamilton Nolan · 02/22/11 12:57PM

It's okay for college kids, or white kids, or even rich and famous kids to like rap; or even to rap themselves, if they happen to be blessed with that particular talent. But it's not okay for rich famous white college kids to butcher rap music, for laffs (on purpose, or unintentionally). Not any more, at least. Maybe it was funny the first time someone tried it, oh so many years ago? We doubt it. But maybe. Now, though... we present you with Pussy Breath.

JFK's Harvard and Princeton Applications Are Identical

Maureen O'Connor · 01/21/11 06:06PM

You know how, when you applied for college, you sent the same bromide "Why I want to go to _____ University" essay to every school, because all colleges are interchangeable anyway? Turns out John F. Kennedy thought so, too.

Dirty Tricks at the Harvard Republican Club

Hamilton Nolan · 11/19/10 10:04AM

The Harvard Republican Club is mired in an election-fixing scandal of a deviousness not seen since the heyday of ACORN. The charge: a sinister plot by one candidate to lure voters away from the polls. The bait: McKinsey. Ooooo, Mckinsey!

Harvard Now a Culinary School

Hamilton Nolan · 11/02/10 04:20PM

The single most popular class at Harvard this fall: "Science and Cooking: From Haute Cuisine to Soft Matter Science." Basically a cooking class! I know, right? I would have guessed "How to Get Laid for Dorks," LOL. [Boston Globe]