Jay Hathaway · 09/09/15 06:09PM

At the end of the day, our impossible Apple quiz seems to have proven there’s no way to tell the difference between the iPhone hype of 2015 and the iPhone hype of 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, or 2014. And that three of you are dirty cheaters. Here are the results.

Impossible Quiz: Which Year Were These Quotes About the Year's New iPhone Written?

Jay Hathaway · 09/09/15 12:22PM

Every year since 2007, Apple has held an event to unveil its new iPhone. And every year since 2007, professional technology reporters have fallen over themselves to tell you how Apple’s latest gadget is just like the one you already have, but a little bit better. This version is “not a game-changer,” they’ll write, but it has a slightly different shape or a camera or whatever.

EMERGENCY ALERT: This Is How to Turn Off Your Phone's Emergency Alerts

Gabrielle Bluestone · 07/01/15 09:12AM

Last night, around 4 a.m., a freight train carrying screaming sirens and old dial-up modem sounds crashed through my room. It was a government-issued FLASH FLOOD WARNING, sent express delivery from the darkest depths of Hell directly to my cellphone. Was it even raining when I received the urgent message? Who knows. Will I be cranky and tired all day? Emergency Alert: Yes.

Stop Taking Your Screens to Bed, You Humanoid Robots

Dayna Evans · 12/24/14 04:00PM

We've all heard the warnings: if you take your phones, iPads, phablets, Lite-Brites, and laptops into the dormoir, you will not have restless sleep. Most doctors suggest turning that shit off and throwing it out a window before laying our heads down to rest, but do we listen? Fuck no, we've got tweets to write, doc!

What Is the Best Worst Way You've Ever Lost a Phone?

Caity Weaver · 10/24/12 11:05AM

Have you ever baked your phone into a dessert? Lost it up a cow's butthole? Dropped it off the side of a cruise ship while recreating the "I'm King of the World!" scene from Titanic with a guy you met in the buffet line?

Here's Steve Jobs' Biological Dad, Defending iPhones From Syrian Oppression

Lauri Apple · 12/03/11 12:45PM

Steve Jobs "didn't like what [he] learned" about Abdulfattah John Jandali, his Syrian-American biological dad, and therefore never reestablished a relationship with Jandali before his death in October. But that absence of connection hasn't stopped Jandali from defending his son's products—and, in a sense, his legacy—from the oppressive Syrian government, which has banned iPhones to keep people from filming killings and other atrocities being committed by local authorities.

Look at the Pathetic iPhone Nerds, Says Rival

Seth Abramovitch · 11/24/11 02:16AM

Finally, an iPhone competitor has figured out a way to, if not quite level the playing field, at least get a few cheap shots in at Apple's expense: This Samsung smartphone ad is extremely petty about the kind of person who waits in line to buy an iPhone. Easy target, surefire results. Will it help to sell Samsung Galaxy S IIs? Who cares! Simply by performing this very necessary public service, I deem this campaign an unqualified success. I'm totally going to text it to everyone I know on my iPhone! (Sorry, Samsung. Do I look like the kind of person who clips cellphones to my belt and uses a Dell Inspiron? Yeah, no. Our love affair ends here.)

Watching Video on Televisions Is Too Much Effort Now

Adrian Chen · 08/01/11 05:09PM

In the beginning, humans had to physically rouse themselves from their couches to change the channel on the TV. Then, there were remotes. Now, our laziness has evolved to the point where we just stare at our phones.

The Two Most Controversial iPhone Apps of the Week

Adrian Chen · 03/23/11 03:25PM

Here are two things you could do with your iPhone last week that you might not be able to next week: learn about how to fake-"cure" yourself from being gay, and avoid DUI checkpoints. It's outrage time in the App store!