A Hedge Fund Manager's Bizarre, Lengthy Response to a Declined Second Date

Max Read · 01/27/12 12:40PM

Now and then, we get forwarded crazy emails that people — most of whom are men involved in the finance industry — send to the people they're dating, or have dated, or want to date. Today: a thesaurus-happy hedge-fund manager accuses a woman he's been on one date with of lying to him and decides he'll teach her the best way to reject someone.

Breaking: Bankers Are Still Jerk-Offs

Max Read · 10/16/11 03:07PM

Did you think that, maybe, a growing month-long protest directed against the financial services industry would make investment bankers and money managers start to question themselves? Ha! You have never met a banker, have you?

The Bankers' Bonuses

Owen Thomas · 12/09/08 08:00PM

I recently reread Den of Thieves, the tale of how federal prosecutors brought down Wall Street giants Ivan Boesky and Michael Milken, the emblems of the '80s takeover boom. It turns out that Boesky never actually said, "Greed is good," the line Michael Douglas uttered as Gordon Gekko in Wall Street.

I-Banker Does Profession Proud, Is Titanic Douche

balk · 04/24/07 10:43AM

Meet "Andrew." He's an investment banker who enjoys fine cigars, small-batch bourbon, and being a gigantic douche in local newspapers. He also has a pitifully low investment banker salary of $190K including bonus. Doesn't that mean he's actually in the mailroom? Anyway. In today's Post feature on "Tools of the Trade"—those are the clothes, gadgets, and toys New Yorkers "can't live without" (should we take them away so that they die?)—never has a headline so accurately captured the essence of its subject.

Battle of the Douchebags: P.R. Person vs. Investment Bankers

abalk2 · 10/19/06 04:50PM

After breaking his silence to Newscorp's New York Post this morning, Yale douchebag Aleksey Vayner decided against appearing on Newscorp's Fox News this afternoon. In his stead, Fox decided to interview Fraser Seitel, author of The Practice of Public Relations, as to what Vayner should do next. Nothing was particularly interesting about it, but we did enjoy this part of the segment, where Seitel calls investment bankers "self-serving," "narcissistic," and "preening." You hear that, i-bankers? You just got called out by a P.R. guy! That's got to sting.

'Times' Remembers the I-Bankers Who Remember the Neediest

Jesse · 02/20/06 09:23AM

The Times reported yesterday on the completion of its 94th annual Neediest Cases Fund charity drive, which from November through the start of this month raised a bit more than $7 million. The paper was particularly impressed with the donation corralled by a group of three young investment bankers — or, judging from the accompanying photo, perhaps two young investment bankers and one extra from Growing Up Gotti — who presented the Fund with $236,000 raised from fellow analysts at Citigroup, Goldman Sachs, Lehman Brothers, and CIBC. Explained the Times: