Victoria Lim And Peter Sheren Got Married Three Times

aswerdloff · 10/29/07 04:45PM

Do you believe in love? Perhaps you do! But you totally definitely believe in money. Because it's very hard to love when you have no money and you're hungry! The Weddings and Celebrations section of the 'New York Times' is where money and love meet, and where our Intern Alexis finds that in the mix, someone always comes out the winner.

Samantha Gregory & Roberto Benabib Are High On Love

aswerdloff · 10/22/07 12:40PM

Great news! Did you know that the Weddings and Celebrations section of the 'New York Times' exists to transform you on a lazy Sunday afternoon from Kathy Griffin to Cathy Guisewite? It's true! Studies show that reading what we used to call 'Vows' actually sets your internal feminism and self-esteem clocks back eight years. Anyhoo, put down that Ben & Jerry's, unloved fatty, and let's see who won the battle of the marriages this week!

Sarah Jewett & Brian Smith Are Totally Out Of Steps

aswerdloff · 10/15/07 02:30PM

Every week, the New York Times' Weddings and Celebrations section lets you know which powerful, rich, famous, and/or attractive people are joining like in holy matrimony and the conspiracy to grind your hopes and dreams to dust. And every week, our Intern Alexis subjects the happy couples to her tough-but-fair rating system.

Amy Bloom & Brian Ameche Are Nobody's Chattel

aswerdloff · 09/17/07 03:40PM

Each week, Intern Alexis surveys the Weddings and Celebrations section of the Times and subjects them to her patented rating scale so that we might know who is best preparing to be well-set-up after their divorces. "Bourgeois marriage is, in reality, a system of wives in common," wrote Marx. Hence we pay attention to the weddings so that we may know who will later be exchanging wives and each others' money at the same time.

Elizabeth Goldhirsh & Eric Yellin Met On J-Date

aswerdloff · 08/27/07 02:40PM

Each week, the 'New York Times' publishes wedding announcements from the newsworthy set. While it's true that you'll never find love and eventually you'll wind up settling for whoever's left, your sad little dreams put to a terrible end in some dingy rented hall that was the only place you and the schmuck you wound up with could afford, it's still nice to know that good things can happen to other, better people. Intern Alexis tallies the score from Vowland.

Sarah Luskin & Kenan Stern Ski Together

aswerdloff · 08/13/07 12:30PM

Each week, the 'New York Times' publishes wedding announcements from the newsworthy set. Why do they make you so bitter, you horrible little nitpicker? Why can't you just be happy for them? What's wrong with you? Intern Alexis breaks down who won in the Land Of Vows.

Do-Gooding Lawyers Alison Sclater and Wells Dixon Will Save Us All

Emily Gould · 08/06/07 12:35PM

Every week, when the Times devotes a section to informing you that some people who are richer and smarter and just all around better than you are have found their soulmate lifepartners, Intern Alexis surveys the damage and tallies up the totals. Also, in case you were wondering? No, you'll never find anyone. Anyone good enough, at least.

Journalist Couples Stung By WASPs

Emily Gould · 07/30/07 03:10PM

Every week, Intern Alexis studies the Times' Weddings and Celebrations section so she can tell us who's winning the game of life. Usually, it's the rich white people who come from money! Imagine.

Meghan O'Rourke And James Surowiecki Win Forever

Emily Gould · 07/23/07 12:50PM

Every week, Intern Alexis tallies up the points earned by couples vainglorious enough (or Times-employed enough! Awww!) to have little biographical blurbs about themselves in the Styles section. This week, Slate literary editor, Paris Review poetry editor and lauded poet Meghan O'Rourke and New Yorker staffer James Surowieki totally won. How could they not? You can all stop dating now!