Who should save the sight of an uninsured South Carolina man who can’t afford eye surgery? That’s the question the Charlotte Observer asks in a story about a 49-year-old Republican who declined to sign up for Obamacare because he “prided himself on paying his own medical bills,” and is now upset that the Affordable Care Act won’t bail him out.
An elderly man claims his penis "completely eroded away" over the course of two weeks, far past the point where reconstructive surgery could have saved it, because Kaiser wouldn't let his nurses remove a catheter. He's suing the insurance company for refusing to end his painful ordeal and causing "permanent genital mutilation," Courthouse News reports.
In America, we have a stupid system of health care in which your health insurance, which might naturally be considered a fundamental human need, is covered by your employer, resulting in a horrible, expensive, uneven patchwork. At the same time, the earnings of most workers have remained stagnant for the past 40 years. It comes as little surprise, then, that workers are willing to gamble with their own health in exchange for more money in their pockets.
Birth control isn't free, my friends. I mean condoms cost a few bucks and then some of the fancier technologies that girls get cost—Christ, I don't know, but it has to run into the hundreds. So you can't expect the health insurance industry to bankrupt itself just to subsidize every lout's ability to fuck conveniently! Or can you?
Praise be the gods, our long national nightmare of peace and quiet is over. After firing Gilbert Gottfried from his job voicing Aflac's screaming spokes-duck, the insurance company has completed its national search for a less offensive replacement. The winner is a sales manager from Hugo, Minnesota (population: 13,000) named Daniel McKeague. Congratulations, Daniel. We can't wait to scramble for the mute button every time your bone-chilling squawk comes on TV.
All the revelations about Tiger Woods' mistresses over the past couple of weeks has been very bad news for the big brands that paid out millions to sign Woods up as their spokesman. Enter DeWitt Stern, an insurance company that is now capitalizing on Woods' troubles with what it claims is a totally new type of policy: "reputation risk insurance." Now when the face of your wholesome, family-friendly brand gets arrested in a seedy motel room with a crack pipe and with a tranny hooker, you'll be fully protected! The press release is below.