In photographs, Marnie the Dog looks dead. Sources who have met her say she “smells like death.” So, is Marnie the Dog...dead? “I heard that Marnie was originally named ‘Stinky’ before she was adopted,” a source said. (This is true.) “She still smells really bad.” Maybe because she’s dead—and rotting.
Thousands of famous and semi-famous people make money by posting photos of themselves with certain products on Instagram. Some people seem to make all their money this way—Lindsay Lohan, for example. Meanwhile, millions of other people also post photos of themselves on Instagram, often also near or with products, but get nothing in return. Instagram, its parent company Facebook, and Lindsay Lohan are all making money—why shouldn’t I get in on it too?
Essena O’Neill, an 18-year-old from Australia, is an Instagram celebrity—that is, an otherwise normal high-schooler who’s racked up almost 600,000 followers by posting photos of herself on the app. Last week, however, she announced to her fans that she’s quitting social media because it is “not real life.”
Yesterday in order to post a photo on Instagram you had to fit your dog, face, or palm tree into a decent and humble square. If you’re looking for that sort of order and play-by-the-rules civility in today’s world, well, keeping looking, buddy. You’re just gonna have to keep looking for that, my friend.
The latest entry in the Transportation Security Authority's Instagram catalog of heavy artillery: the five-inch, eight-spiked death blade above, which some hapless traveler tried to bring onto a flight from Baltimore-Washington International Airport. But worry not: it was only his trusty spinning axe, straight out of League of Legends.
Instagram, the official social media platform of nipplephobes, doesn't know what it's missing. Chelsea Handler isn't even trying to post her topless photos there anymore—she's already tried thrice, and thrice did they refuse. Now she's taking them straight to Twitter, where she's appreciated, goddammit.
Instagram's most famous overcompensator, millionaire fake breast enthusiast Dan Bilzerian, was arrested in December on felony explosives charges as he returned from allegedly kicking a woman in the face at Art Basel. Two months later, he's now free and clear after pleading no contest to a lesser charge and agreeing to star in a PSA as punishment.
There's a really interesting article over at the New York Times Magazine that looks at the #nightshift and #graveyardshift tags on Instagram, where people who work overnight hours post selfies in solidarity with each other. "Sometimes it's in the form of a gag, a ridiculous pose; sometimes it's in the form of a gaze so steady that it seems to warm the fluorescent panels framing so many of these pictures." Good read.
If you got into a frontal collision with another car and afterward there was blood streaming down your face, you might leap out and start yelling HOLY FUCKING SHIT MY FUCKING FACE SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE RIGHT NOW I NEED PLASTIC SURGERY FUCKING HELL OBAMACARE. But in fair Canada, even injurious car accidents are pleasant and anodyne.
Ariana Grande posted a series of vacation photos with her boyfriend, rapper Big Sean, on Instagram over the weekend, putting a stop to rumors that the two had broken up. Here is a rumor the photos did not disprove, though: The one where Ariana Grande demands to be carried from place to place like an infant.