If You Buy a Motorcycle, You Will Die

Hamilton Nolan · 12/22/14 09:30AM

Some of you who have successfully reached middle age and feel the yearning for a new sense of adventure in life may be considering purchasing a motorcycle. Before you do, consider this FACT: you will die.

Science: Women Are Bad at Lifting Stuff

Hamilton Nolan · 07/29/14 10:33AM

If you've ever been around women, you've probably heard them exclaim, "Oh! My back!" while grabbing their backs (which they just injured). Science has, at long last, explained why women are always like, "Oh! My back!"

The Injury Crisis Among Veterans

Hamilton Nolan · 04/09/14 08:43AM

After more than a decade of foreign wars, many of America's military veterans deal with combat injuries and PTSD. But an even larger problem is the mass of soldiers who've come home with devastating non-combat injuries.

Hamilton Nolan · 09/13/13 12:11PM

Two out of every three "catastrophic injuries" of female athletes are caused by cheerleading.

Is a TV Falling Onto Your Child Right Now?

Hamilton Nolan · 12/13/12 11:43AM

Is your child going to be killed by a falling TV? Have you even thought about it? Probably not, because what do you even care? You never loved me, and you're not my real mom anyhow. The point here is, the next falling TV may land on top of your child.

So Now You're Injured

Hamilton Nolan · 06/22/12 08:39AM

You wrenched your neck. You sprained your ankle. You tweaked your back. You banged your knee. You tore your rotator cuff. You cracked your toe. You have plantar fascitis. You have bursitis. You have arthritis. You jammed your finger, broke your nose, lost a tooth, and you really hope that shooting pain in your chest is just a passing heart attack, rather than broken ribs.

Baseball Player Hits Self in Face With Bat

Louis Peitzman · 05/12/12 10:54AM

I don't know much about sports, but I do know everyone wants to see an image of Washington Nationals rookie Bryce Harper up to bat with blood dripping down his face.

The Driver vs. Bicyclist Fight is Way More Violent in England

Emma Carmichael · 02/17/12 01:51PM

Urban biking is dangerous, and especially so when drivers are going out their way to decapitate you. This video, taken from a CCTV camera in Bristol, England, shows bus driver Gavin Hill intentionally swerving into cyclist Philip Mead. Mead landed 10 feet away with a broken leg and a fractured wrist, and Hill has reportedly been sentenced to 17 months in jail.

Barney Frank Has Liberated His Man Boobs

Jim Newell · 12/19/11 05:00PM

Theoretical question: What does a congressman who never bothered to tie his tie properly, comb his hair, or button his top shirt button even when he was trying to win elections dress like after he's announced his retirement and stopped caring entirely? It really is an interesting theoretical question.