How to React to the News That Chocolate Is a Health Food

Hamilton Nolan · 07/18/12 08:42AM

"Did you see the news today? The scientists are saying that chocolate could be good for your blood circulation. Well I'll be. Who knew? Chocolate is a health food? No more going to the doctor for me! I have a bag of Hershey's Kisses, and that's a lot cheaper than health insurance! Oh, maybe I'll still go to my favorite doctor—Mr. Goodbar! Doctor Hershey's, I should say! I have a pill bottle—full of M&Ms! It does wonders! It always makes me feel better! Hey, I guess now you can eat whatever you want for dinner—as long as you have a chocolate sundae for dessert! Dessert is the new diet! I'm going on an all-chocolate diet—for my health! If chocolate is healthy, well, I'm a regular Olympic athlete! Send me to London—for the 100-meter chocolate dash! And swimming—in a pool of chocolate! I'd definitely win the gold medal! I hope it's just gold foil covering chocolate! I think I'll give up jogging and take up eating more! I've cut back my jogging to only one destination—the candy store! It's for my health, thank you! I'm giving up the Weight Watchers in favor of chocolate milkshakes—for my health! Hey, can these scientists have a little talk with my waistline? It doesn't seem to be listening to reason! I'm skipping the gym today and just eating chocolate instead—for my health! This is the greatest discovery since sliced bread—even better, actually, because I'm on a low-carb diet! Except for chocolate carbs! I have to eat those—doctor's orders! Chocolate—for my health! I approve this message!"

New York Times Makes Box Office Analysis Seem Cool, Vaguely Erotic

Richard Lawson · 02/25/08 10:33AM

The New York Times recently put together a really interesting graph showing the "Ebb and Flow of Movies". It charts box office receipts from 1986 through 2007, and does it in a sexy, undulating, almost topographical way. And look at last summer! Width is longevity, color denotes how many bajillion bones each movie made. [NYT via Kottke] Click for larger.

The Top 7 Black Presidents From The Screen

Richard Lawson · 02/20/08 03:08PM

After yesterday's Wisconsin primary, a convincing win by Barack Obama in a largely white state, the prospect of a black Democratic nominee, and a black president, looks possible, even likely. And it only took 232 years! Of course, oh-so-progressive Hollywood got there long ago. Here's the ultimate list of black presidents, from movies and TV. They range from President Camacho of Idiocracy through to the weary statesman played by Morgan Freeman in Deep Impact. (If we've missed any, let us know.)