• Mischa Barton went to see "Tosca" at the Metropolitan Opera the other night. Naturally, when she showed up and saw a red carpet, she started walking it... until she realized it was for the screening of Michael Moore's new documentary at Alice Tully Hall. It was then that the light bulb went on and she ran across the street. Pull it together, woman! [P6]
• Jessica Simpson can't catch a break. Tony Romo ditched her; her dog got snatched by a coyote; her friends keep dishing to the media; and now her ex, Nick Lachey, appears to be reuniting with his ex, Vanessa Minnillo. Poor Jess. [E!]
• Tyra Banks appeared on Larry King Live last night and talked about how she dealt with packing on some lbs (again), her real hair (again), and how she loves being naked (unless the lighting in the dressing room sucks). [CNN, ET]
• Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen and their boyfriends, Nate Lowman and Justin Bartha, had super evening out the other night. It involved steak, making out, tickling, and "chain-smoking cigarettes until after 4am." [P6]
• Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez aren't on the friendliest terms these days. Now things have turned frosty between their respective girlfriends, Minka Kelly and Kate Hudson. [P6]
• Heidi Pratt appears in the new issue of Playboy. But you won't find any nude pics of her in the magazine. She says she won't strip down completely until after she has a few "upgrades" performed by her plastic surgeon. [Us]
• Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant. So who's the father? Either she's not saying because she plans to use the news to gin up ratings for her crappy reality show, or becaue she doesn't know herself. One or the other. [E!]
Judge Denny Chin sure has an interesting caseload. Last week, the federal judge appointed to the bench by Bill Clinton was in the papers after sentencing Bernie Madoff to 150 years in prison. So what great legal matters is he tending to this week? He's hearing opening arguments in a $60 million libel lawsuit filed by Howard K. Stern against former talk show host Rita Cosby, who alleged in her 2007 bestselling book that Stern and Anna Nicole Smith's former boyfriend, Larry Birkhead, "engaged in gay sex" while Anna Nicole stood by and allegedly videotaped it. [NYP]
• Olivia Palermo's imaginary career is on fire. The City star is reportedly leaving her "job" at DVF to "work" in the publicity department at Elle. So if you see anything in Elle that seems to have been ripped from another magazine, now you know who to blame. [P6]
• Jay-Z demanded a Maybach, champagne, "good quality" peanut butter and jelly, 12 shot glasses, and a pack of Marlboros—along with $750,000—before agreeing to perform at the University of Arizona last month. [SG, P6]
• Jesus Luz's dad says his son and Madonna "definitely" plan to tie the knot in a Kabbalah ceremony shortly. But Jesus won't have to bother signing a prenup since the marriage won't be legally binding. [NYDN]
• The good news for Amy Winehouse: She's reportedly no longer addicted to drugs. The bad: She's supposedly traded the drugs for booze. [OK!]
• Man of the people: Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein was spotted flying coach on a flight from New York to DC. [P6]
• Did Kelly Killoren Bensimon ask her boyfriend to lie about getting beat up so she could use it as a PR ploy to "better her chances of being asked back" on Real Housewives next season? That's what her bitchy co-stars are saying as part of a PR ploy to get the attention turned back on themselves. [NYDN]
• Estée Lauder CEO William Lauder is being sued by Taylor Stein, who gave birth to his baby in 2007, for stopping child support payments. [P6]
• In an interview with Matt Lauer, Michael Phelps says he made a "bad mistake" in South Carolina, although he's still not saying what this mistake was. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan has settled the lawsuit filed by a woman whose $11,000 coat LiLo took from 1OAK last year. Also: She left her poor bodyguard stranded in Las Vegas earlier this week. [P6, P6]
Dannielynn Hope Birkhead, now 18-months-old, has been named sole heir to the Anna Nicole Smith estate by an L.A. Superior Court judge yesterday, as well as the beneficiary of a newly established trust. Larry Birkhead and estate-executor Howard K. Stern are—you guessed it—the co-trustees, a new responsibility which we can only imagine will further prevent them from putting a fucking tombstone on Anna Nicole's grave. [usatoday.com]
On February 8, 2007, a devastated Defamer was glued to CNN, following Dr. Sanjay Gupta and the rest of AnnaDeath 360° team as they offered breathless updates on the not-entirely-shocking (yet still pretty traumatic) loss of Anna Nicole Smith. And yet here we are, a full year later, and Hollywood seems doomed to repeat its trainwreck-glamorizing mistakes. Meanwhile, Smith's legacy carries on via the creepy gentleman-callers who dotted the love polygon that defined much of her life. Larry Birkhead, we well know through a series of soul-deadening The Insider exclusives, has been adjusting to life with his money-pooping paternity jackpot, most recently having plopped the toddler on a patch of grass he assured us was Anna Nicole's resting place, and successfully baby-wrangled his daughter into saying the word "mama" for their cameras.
Had she lived, Anna Nicole Smith would have been 40 years old today; she'd also very likely be disoriented, naked but for a set of lipstick cat whiskers, and wandering around the lobby of a Florida Hard Rock hotel with a nearby Howard K. Stern capturing every pratfall on Hi-8. As ever-tabloid-present in death as she was in her drug-addled years on Earth, Entertainment Tonight commemorates the posthumous milestone by approaching the two most essential mapping points on the love-polygon that defined much of her life—Stern and Larry Birkhead:
With the Attorney General investigating the sinister network of prescription-dispensing Drs. Feelgood entrusted to her care, the Anna Nicole Clown Video: Criterion Collection made the blog rounds yesterday, ensuring sleepless nights for thousands haunted by the direful sounds of a nine-year-old girl baying, "Braaain trouble!" at the former Playboy model's unsuccessful attempts at burping a pineapple. The video only raised more questions: Who, for example, was the "Mark" that metteur en scène Howard K. Stern kept referring to throughout the shoot? Usmagazine.com has the answer:
It turns out the now-infamous Anna Nicole in Creepy Clown Makeup clip comes from a much longer, much more disturbing video, aired on Geraldo at Large. Brought to Rivera's show by the father of a nine-year-old girl present for the entire shoot, the girl describes having seen Howard K. Stern give Smith something from "a white bottle with red stripes."
A follow-up to the Anna Nicole investigation we mentioned earlier: Attorney General Jerry Brown told reporters that there is "serious evidence" that something fishy went on with Anna Nicole's death. Really, Jer? Maybe after he cracks this case, he can look into whether The Hills is fake or not. [foxnews.com]
The search warrants are flying this morning—eight in total—in connection with Anna Nicole Smith's death. Already raided were the homes of Smith's psychiatrist Dr. Khristine Eroshevich (Howard K. Stern is rumored to have been there at the time), and Dr. Sandeep Kapoor, Smith's methadone-dispensing doctor and gay-pride floatmate. A press alert tells us Attorney General Brown will be making a statement at 11:00. Developing... [TMZ]
· We realize we left many of you hanging last week when we posted the shocking clip in which the beloved Olly Girls of Sunset Tan were let go for failing to fully commit to their accelerator-pimping duties. As this Yo on E! clip plainly shows, however, the girls are in good spirits, and ready for whatever spray-on-nozzle-clearing challenges lie ahead.
· Drew Carey waxes philosophical about suddenly finding himself in a game show ghetto.
· Now it's Virgie Arthur vs. Howard K. Stern on the Anna Nicole Sue-Go-Round.
· Every lyric from Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire," explained with a hyperlink.
· No, your eyes are not deceiving you. That's Barbara Walters making out with Star Jones on a New York city street!
Howard K. Stern dropped by Larry King Live last night, his first time swinging at the fossilized CNN inquisitor's legendary softballs since he appeared shortly after Daniel Smith's death to assure the world he was indeed Dannielynn's father. (He now explains that minor oversight away to some confusion over ovulation schedules and Anna Nicole hand-off times.)