On this week's "Gossip Girl," the world's richest poor kid Dan Humphrey totally got a story published in the New Yorker! Whatever, we bet it was the Fiction issue, they'll let ANYONE in there! Later Serena gave him a nice present (a watch, so he'll be punctual meeting editors!) but he's such a fuckwad with class hang-ups that he can't accept it. But now we've "obtained" an excerpt of "his story" and we understand all.
When Juno, the 16-year-old heroine of the movie being marketed hardest to my generation this holiday season, tells her best friend she's pregnant, the friend's first reaction is, "Honest to blog?" CLUNK. But in spite of being forewarned about that line in the movie's ubiquitous T.V. spots, and in spite of David Denby's New Yorker rave—"Juno is a coming-of-age movie made with idiosyncratic charm and not a single false note"—I still held out high hopes for alternastripper memoirist turned screenwriter Diablo Cody's collaboration with 'Thank You For Smoking' director Jason Reitman. But guess what? There are false notes aplenty in this trytoohardy movie. Honest to blog!
When I moved to New York, I had no idea that it was going to be im-fucking-possible to get a decent night's sleep, ever. I also have the frequent urge to retreat to a dark room and curl up in the fetal position whenever I'm in the city—but don't we all? Still, I never imagined paying for a nap in a special, quiet, warm, nap-pod. Nor could anyone imagine that this early-mid 00's trend would still be kicking it!
When a CNN Headline News-Travel and Leisure poll revealed that our own "sixth borough," Philadelphia, was home to the least attractive people in the United States, a guy we know who used to live there sent an email to his fellow Philly expats living in NYC. It read, "You know how I always say in Philadelphia, the two-eyed man is king?" But some people would beg to differ.
When I started this job five years ago, the possibilities seemed endless. No matter how absurd the pairing, I was pretty sure I would never lack the inspiration to write a humorous opinion piece written by an unlikely character saying unexpected things. It seemed like I'd be able to milk every single situation possible until I finally got recognized by some sitcom producer and hired away from here. But guess what? Those offers never emerged, and now, after writing this column week after week, my well of essay concepts seems to have finally run dry.
Occasionally we'll read a story or feature so predictable or flaccid that we'll wonder how hard it could be to write one ourselves. In that spirit, we now debut How Hard Could It Be?, an occasional series in which we actually do write one ourselves. The inaugural topic is the Times Magazine's much-loved True-Life Tales from The Funny Pages.