Taradise Lost: Is Celebrity Hedonism Over?

Richard Lawson · 11/10/08 02:31PM

When disco people did that weird basketball referee "traveling" motion dance and licked their cocaine-stained gums while a sparkly disco ball twirled overhead, they probably felt like the party would never stop. But stop it did, in grinding and ugly fashion, when the hedonistic days of Studio 54 ran headfirst into a very un-far-out recession in the early 1980's. Some twenty-five years later, we find ourselves in a similar situation. The early aughts saw the rise of the Tara Reid and Lindsay Lohan mentality, one that celebrated and encouraged hard, rusty-jointed partying (and simulatneously loved to condemn it). Sure there was a war on and the world seemed to be ending, but when one thing ends another begins, and these folks wanted to hurl themselves, underpantsless crotches first, into the big new whatever. And now... well, now we're staring down the barrel of a serious recession, Crazy Britney is dead, and Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens, a Rooney and Garland for the iGeneration, are puttin' on a show to the glittery tune of trillions of dollars. Like the dirty bliss era of disco before it, is this new party era being killed by a recession? We think so!

'High School Musical 3' The Soundtrack Of Change

Seth Abramovitch · 11/03/08 12:04PM

Never in our wildest dreams did we think our Halloween gift to you—the Do-It-Yourself Grazerhead mask—would become the runaway success that it did, with literally tens of thousands of the Officially Sanctioned Headshots™ swarming the streets of L.A. Friday night, each accompanied by their very own candy-appraisal attaché. (Grazerhead: "What do we think about Nerds?" Attaché: "We like them.") We urge you to send in your Night of the Living Grazerheads Photos; in the meantime, unwrap some box office numbers from your premium candy pile:1. High School Musical 3 - $15.035 million Every sweeping social movement in this country's history came with its own stirring soundtrack, from "Yankee Doodle" to "Amazing Grace" to Joan Baez singing "We Shall Overcome" to a field of rain-soaked Woodstock participants. And as we too now stand at the crossroads of hope and progress, we can think of no better accompaniment than East High's eunuch basketball team singing "Now or Never." The times, they are indeed a-changin'. 2. Zack and Miri Make a Porno - $10.682 million As we predicted, the Seth Rogen comedy fell about $4 million shy of the HSM kids. (Who, it should be pointed out, had already explored that topic well over a year ago, when tweens still found the DIY-porn-thing cool.) The blame-flinging begins momentarily, in a heated phone exchange between Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Smith, the beleaguered Weinstein Company head shouting, "You just HAD to tell the toilet story, didn't you? Because when people want to forget their problems for a few hours with a laugh and perhaps a glimpse of some Elizabeth Banks skin, what they're really crying out for is the image of you taking a dump and shards of porcelain suddenly flying off in all directions. Bravo, Kevin. Bravo. No really. Well played, my friend," before mumbling a "Jesus Christ," and hanging up in disgust. 3. Saw V - $10.11 million We're torn. On the one hand, we're thrilled to have Jigsaw and his little tricycle-riding puppet Billy come out against Prop 8. On the other hand, did they really have to rig the voting booths so that a bear trap clamps down on your head if you press "Yes?" Enh, why not. 4. Changeling - $9.407 million Clint Eastwood's latest earned an average $5,085 per screen—more than any other movie in the top ten—meaning that at least a few people might have understood why you were rollerskating around Santa Monica Blvd. Friday night with some brown Cabbage Patch Dolls, a 1920s hat, red lipstick, and not much else. Everyone else just figured you were another naked freak at the parade. Either way, however, you're bound to see yourself in Frontiers magazine next week. Congrats! 5. The Haunting of Molly Hartley - $6.009 million Chace Crawford's leap to the big screen is looking to be one of this year's big Razzie frontrunners, earning a solid 00% on Rotten Tomatoes. The movie's hormonal fanbase, however—while feeling it "dragged in spots" and could have "been scarier,"—strongly felt that the star's own performance was, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH CHACE I WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Distributor Freestyle is hoping that could translate to robuts home video sales.

Gay Men And 13-Year-Old Girls Unite In Protest Against Cut Zac Efron Shower Scene

Kyle Buchanan · 10/30/08 01:05PM

The big weekend box office for High School Musical 3 proves that Disney knows not to mess with a winning thing, and why should it? The series's profitable formula (40% Bollywood chastity, 35% 'N Sync b-sides, and 25% total gayness) has paid off in spades. Perhaps, then, the threat of tinkering with this equation was what Disney had in mind when they cut what was apparently a Zac Efron-led musical sequence in a boys' group shower (!), the existence of which came to light after an Ebay seller included pictures of the number in a cache of HSM3 photos. What cinematic contribution to homoerotica was lost when a cruel executive axed "Lather Up, Y'all"? Gaze upon the additional pictures after the jump, and muse upon what might have been.

Ashley Tisdale Wins by a Nose

Richard Lawson · 10/29/08 09:55AM

[Ashley Tisdale and Vanessa Hudgens, stars of the movie 'High School Musical 3,' which grossed a billion dollars over the weekend, in Los Angeles yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin] Meg's new line beats the original, Having Money Is Fun

Why Is My Niece Obsessed With High School Musical?

Richard Lawson · 10/17/08 11:41AM

In case your ears aren't capable of picking up the high-pitched caterwauling of girls (and, well, yes, some boys too) between the ages of 8 and 18, let me tell you something. High School Musical 3: Senior Year is step-ball-changing into movie theaters next week. It's the first of the series to be splashed up on the big screen, as the first two aired to tremendous success (255 million viewers worldwide, so far) on the Disney Channel. HSM-related product sales have reached upwards of $500 million, and its stars, or at least lead heartthrob Zac Efron, have been vaunted into the paparazzi-stalked realm of superstarletdom. Now advance ticket sales for the third (and final for most of the original cast) movie are huuuuge. It's going to be big, people. So what, dear tweendom neophyte, is all the fuss about? I'll try to explain it after the jump.

'I Don’t Know If I Told You This, But You Look Almost As Pretty As I Do Tonight'

Douglas Reinhardt · 10/01/08 07:00PM

Click to viewBoomp3.com At the Paris premiere of the latest chapter in the exhilarating High School Musical series, hunky film star Zac Efron admitted to long time gal pal Vanessa Hudgens that she’s nearly as pretty as he is. The pint sized hunk admitted that being in the City of Lights could have had an influence on his decision to call his musical partner pretty. Efron said, “She usually looks good, but something there’s just something about tonight.” [Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Our Sleep Will Be Haunted By The Child Actor Goons Of The 'High School Musical' Reality Show

Seth Abramovitch · 08/12/08 03:47PM

What better way to cool down in the summer heat than with a frozen reality turkeycicle, aka High School Musical: Get In The Picture? We had yet to encounter the kids vying for whatever it is this show is promising—we assume some sort walk-on role on High School Musical 5: Pregnancy Pact!. But we figured, "Hey— aspiring child actors competing for our hearts and votes on a competitive talent show, what could go wrong?" A lot, it turns out.The series is presided over by host Nick Lachey, who has apparently been directed to address the contestants as if they were kindergarteners on a field trip to the local industrial bakery. Nick: this is not a step in the right career direction. And speaking of the contestants: Where did they find this many teenage weirdos? It's like they managed to round up every junior high kid across the country who'd tell on you for drinking at a sleepover because it "just didn't sit right," dangled the promise of fame in front of them, then turned the cameras to capture their creepily eager smiles and emphatic head-nods as the world's most patronizing day camp counselor ovvverrr-eeenunnnnciiiiates a lecture about the importance of cooperation. We want to beat them up! Where's our little bendy-toy, Victoria? Ahh—there you are. Better. Much better.

Hunky Zac Efron Learns The Right Way To Tip

Douglas Reinhardt · 08/08/08 11:20AM

Pint size hottie/High School Musical trilogy star Zac Efron learned the right way to tip on the DL while at the airport on Thursday. While Efron was all set to slip a twenty into the pocket of his sky cap (a trick he learned from watching Hollywood A-Listers like Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler), an older gentleman who happened to be nearby instead instructed the Hairspray star about the proper way to tip. The gentleman shook Efron's hand and when Efron pulled it back, he discovered a twenty in his hand. Efron was baffled and amazed by the bill and asked the man where he learned it. The gentleman explained that he caught an episode of Friends in college and the rest has been history.

'High School Musical' Star Not Phased By Quake, Continues Coffee Run

Douglas Reinhardt · 07/29/08 04:20PM

High School Musical trilogy star Ashley Tisdale appeared to be cool as cucumber after a 5.8 earthquake rocked the Los Angeles area. Tisdale admitted that she was a bit startled by the shaking in her home, but her caffeine related headache was far more painful. Tisdale said, "It was kind of like a ride at the fair, but my headache just made it unbearable to stare at lights or do anything. Earthquake or not, I need my Hazelnut. My headaches are worse than earthquake, trust me."

Walk Of Shame: The Musical

Douglas Reinhardt · 07/22/08 06:00PM

High School Musical trilogy star Vanessa Hudgens attempted to make a quick and anonymous exit from the Los Angeles area home of hunky boyfriend Zac Efron. Disguising herself in Efron's unwashed gym clothes, Hudgens assumed she'd be able to sneak away as one of Efron's friends or even as Efron himself. Yet as one photog said, "The sandals are kind of a give away, you know?"

Singing Little Girl Represents All That is Wrong With America

Richard Lawson · 06/30/08 02:50PM

You guys wanted to see a horrifying image of everything that is insidiously vapid and ideologically bankrupt about our country this afternoon, right? Oh good, because after the jump we have a YouTube video of a little girl, who is maybe six-years-old, singing the song "Fabulous" from High School Musical 2. In it the child gyrates and flashes her fancy threads and shrieks a lot. Its truly heinous nature is only amplified by the little note posted by the uploader: "So Disney encouraged kids to make their own video to one of four song clips from High School Musical. Jordyn chose fabulous, and made this clip. She has roughly 50 video song clips she is begging me to post, that I haven't had time to get to. So one down- 49 to go! ;-)" Watch and weep for our ruined nation after the jump.

Why I Still Love (Fake) High School Drama

Richard Lawson · 06/20/08 01:20PM

So the Times didn't like it. Whatever. I'm still DVR'ing the latest Disney Channel musical teenybomp crapfest Camp Rock because, well, I love that stuff. Yes. I am a (slightly shameful) fan of High School Musical and its silly sequel. As I hope you're well aware by now, I have a minor obsession with Gossip Girl. It's a slightly embarrassing truth: my tastes never evolved past fifteen. Well, OK, that's not exactly true. I mean I love the good, challenging stuff. I like weirdo avant garde plays and Terrence Malick movies and I love a good Frontline, but I also lurrrve Degrassi. I'm not exactly sure why some part of my brain still lingers in the dim, echoing halls of high school, but it does. And even though people make fun of me for it (I believe my esteemed boss's words were "ha, freak"), I think it's OK.

'If you have paparazzi, you know you’ve gotten somewhere'

Nick Denton · 04/25/08 01:19PM

That's Vanessa Hudgens, star of Disney's High School Musical, explaining to GQ how the entertainment industry works. Another truth: 19-year-old starlets sell copies of magazines for middle-aged men, particularly when packaged with these photographs and the headline High School Lolita. Incidentally, these photos will spread to fan sites frequented by Hudgens' main fan base, pre-pubescent girls, so passing on this wisdom to a new generation. And, before taking Hudgens' quote as the shallow babbling of a fame-drunk teenager, stop to think: it's also entirely true.