Dumb Hicks Are America's Greatest Threat

Hamilton Nolan · 11/19/15 10:09AM

Many of America’s political leaders are warning of the dangers posed by Syrian refugees. They are underestimating, though, the much greater danger: dumbass hicks, in charge of things.

Hamilton Nolan · 06/19/15 12:43PM

Texas agriculture commissioner Sid Miller has lifted a state ban on deep fryers and soda machines in schools, saying “We want families, teachers and school districts to know the Texas Department of Agriculture supports their decisions and efforts to teach Texas students about making healthy choices.” Hick.

Now Sheriffs Will Choose What Laws to Enforce Because That's What Sheriffs Think the Constitution Says

Hamilton Nolan · 01/25/13 04:03PM

As all schoolchildren know, the Firsteenth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution reads, "No law passed by the federal government may be enforced UNLESS it is cool with a bunch of sheriffs of rural counties." Leave it to the NObama administration to flagrantly ignore this Divine Right of Random Sheriffs to Decide About the Legality All Laws Based on Just Whatever Pops Into Their Heads.

Appalachian State University Students Are Precious Flowers Who Must Be Protected from Porn and Unkind Words

Hamilton Nolan · 11/26/12 10:58AM

Earlier this year, Appalachian State University sociology professor Jammie Price was suspended for showing her (college, adult) class a documentary about porn, containing porn. She also had the temerity to suggest, in class, that college athletes get special privileges. I know; I know. You will be happy to learn that she appealed, and that a faculty committee largely vindicated her, saying in its report that her actions, for the most part, fell under academic freedom, and that she should not be punished.

Racist Church Changes Mind, Allows Interracial Couples

Maureen O'Connor · 12/05/11 11:07AM

Good news: The hopeless racists of Pike County, Kentucky's Gulnare Freewill Baptist Church have been overruled. After church leaders voted to ban interracial couples—starting with the above-photographed lifelong attendee and her Zimbabwean fiance—a larger group of church members declared the racist rule null and void, since church bylaws cannot run contrary to the law, including anti-discrimination laws. Thirty church members went on to pass a new resolution welcoming "believers into our fellowship regardless of race, creed, or color."

Vice Finds Hipster Utopia in Hicksville

Arianna Reiche · 09/20/10 09:30AM

VBS and three-piece-suited wonder boy Ian Svenonius ventures to America's deep, deep south to Muscle Shoals, Alabama, an unexpected Mecca of early rock apostles who founded and run FAME Recording Studios.