LIRR Service Is All Fucked Up, As Revelation Foretold 

Kelly Conaboy · 09/02/15 10:02AM

For 90 minutes this morning, Long Island Rail Road service was suspended coming into and going out of Penn Station due to “signal trouble.” For 90 minutes this morning, LIRR riders inundated the E, 7, and 2/3 subway lines, as the MTA cross-honored their LIRR fares. For 90 minutes this morning, Satan was released from his prison, deceiving the nations in the four corners of the earth—LIRR and MTA—to gather them for battle.

Instagram Descends Into Chaos: Landscape Photos, Vertical Photos–What’s Next?

Kelly Conaboy · 08/27/15 03:00PM

Yesterday in order to post a photo on Instagram you had to fit your dog, face, or palm tree into a decent and humble square. If you’re looking for that sort of order and play-by-the-rules civility in today’s world, well, keeping looking, buddy. You’re just gonna have to keep looking for that, my friend.

Welcome to Guitar Center, a Nightmare from Which You'll Never Escape

Andy Cush · 08/12/14 04:20PM

When you first step inside the Times Square Guitar Center, perhaps you hear the opening arpeggios of "Stairway to Heaven," floating across the sales floor like a spring breeze. Then, the "Crazy Train" solo adds a dissonant but not altogether unpleasant counterpoint, followed closely by the "Layla" chorus riff, as if in fugue. By the time "Enter Sandman" starts, slow and lumbering, things are starting to sound ugly.

Here's Neil DeGrasse Tyson's Snappy Comeback to "Aliens Going to Hell"

Jay Hathaway · 07/28/14 12:20PM

Last week, creationist minister Ken Ham responded to a NASA astronomer's estimate that "in the next 20 years we will find out we are not alone in the universe" by declaring the search for extraterrestrials "pointless" because they're all going to hell anyway. Neil DeGrasse Tyson, astronomical badass, went on Real Time With Bill Maher Friday to offer a well-reasoned counterpoint.

Study: Tylenol Is Useless for Back Pain

Hamilton Nolan · 07/24/14 08:48AM

If you are a human who has successfully survived past the age of 30, chances are you've experienced lower back pain, a condition brought on by excessive sitting, standing, inactivity, or moving. A new study says: there is no relief.

Hellish Comcast Call Sets New Standard for Shitty Customer Service

Andy Cush · 07/15/14 08:30AM

As soon as the recording of this call to Comcast's customer service line begins, you understand how bad it's going to be. This is not a helpful, friendly staffer; this is the condescending, needy ex-boyfriend from hell, pitifully demanding to know why you're leaving him.

You Will Never Be Able to Escape Your Suburban Office Park

Hamilton Nolan · 05/22/13 08:36AM

As demographic changes push America's suburbs into a new life as homes to the poor, one of the obvious infrastructural consequences— along with dead malls— is the potential for a plague empty and unwanted office parks. Ugh, nothing could be more depressing. Except for the solution to unwanted office parks.