The good news about the Recession just keeps on coming! First it was layoffs at institutional hate monger Focus On the Family, and now it's a failure of reality television! The Los Angeles Times tells us that some once-very popular shows like Deal Or No Deal (aka Guess!), Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?, and Dancing With the Stars are down precipitously in the numbers this season. They deduce that this might indeed be because of the recession and the fears of stark reality it stirs up (as depicted by Lance Bass dancing). And if that's the case, then maybe this recession is a good thing! Let's just think of it like spring cleaning or an enema. Sure it's unpleasant in its way, but you'll also feel relieved and unburdened when it's over. Frankly, though it will pain me at first, I think I'll learn to live a better life without my beloved Cottage Living magazine, so you should learn to live without Survivor 43: The One Where They Finally Eat Poop. There's been talk of this phenomenon going down on Broadway—that a good purge will revitalize the medium—and maybe the same will be true of television. Look, good scripted TV shows like 30 Rock and Gossip Girl (OK, "good" is sort a of relative term there) are up! in the ratings. So, I know it must seem catastrophic now, but it'll all work out in the end. Sometimes, things just have to burn. It's nature's way.
Though we worried yesterday that 30 Rock was facing desperate times, we can stop worrying for at least another week! The Tina Fey dream ballet sitcom scored series high ratings last night, wrangling in 8.5 million viewers. That's up 20% from last season's premiere! The numbers were buoyed, we assume, by Fey's successful turns as VP nominee Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live. Hopefully there will be another of those. And next week is the big Oprah Jones appearance, which ought to attract a small legion of moms, sitting tentatively on the edge of the couch, a spare Kleenex tucked in their sleeves, their brows furrowed a bit by the confusing Tracy Morgan. But who cares if they like it, as longs as they watches it. We'll have to wait til next week to see what happens, obviously, but in the meantime, below is a fun Halloween webisode, featuring Sexy Cerie!
So, um, the first episode of Gossip Girl (9 muthafuckin' days y'all) FEATURES TINSLEY MORTIMER. We knew the brain-addled, handbag-designing socialite was cameoing, but we didn't know it would be the first episode. "...Dan has spent the summer assisting a famous author, but decides to head to the Hamptons to see how things stand with Serena after a summer spent apart. While interning for Eleanor Waldorf's company, Jenny sneaks an invite to a much-coveted Hamptons' White Party at which Eric introduces her to socialite Tinsley Mortimer." [TeamSugar] Tinsley talks about her experiences on the show after the jump. "Well it was a happy time because I had just found the old shoe I thought I lost and Guadalupe was mad at me because she said "Meez Tinsley ju are never pooting things a-way when I am asking you!" and so I ran out of the house and down the street and into the park and I climbed a hill and poked at the dirt with sticks for a while and looked for bugs. I didn't find any bugs because they were probably mad at me too so I left the park and ate some pizzapie and it got all on my shirt so I cried a little bit and then I went to see the Little Mermaid in Broadway and it looked like my feelings! So that made me feel better and I went home and curled up outside Guadalupe's door and in the morning she wasn't mad anymore and she made me cereal and she was humming her nice little back-home song and it was sunny and there were birds so I felt better and then the TV called and asked me to be on it so I said 'Yes I will Go!' and so I went to the beach house and they moved me in front of a movie camera and I said a few things and then it was over. Oh but I forgot the best part, when I got to the beach house I was rooting around in the old lobster traps that are under the porch and I found my shoe in one of them! Guadalupe was very happy and patted my head and said 'I will geev it a wash.' And then she made me a lemonade and sent me out to the porch to watch the seaside and I did and I drank the lemonade and looked at the ocean and I thought of the Little Mermaid and how it was sad that she didn't like where she lived or the people she lived with because I do, very much, every day."
Poor Jerry Falwell. The compassionate Christian, lover of all of God's wonderful creatures except for filthy sodomites and fake purple aliens who carry purses (looking at you, Lily Tomlin), apparently died penniless. Though the right-wing evangelist raised hundreds of millions of tear-soaked dollars from his devoted parishioners, the stupid fat fuck lost his own personal stake in the funds after he invested in a planned community called Liberty Village. The crazypants Christian town/last stand fall back point for the inevitable holy war was perched high atop a mountain in Virginia and included something called a "clubhouse." No one wanted to live there because, in actual real life, people like to have kinky sex and smoke pot and watch French art films and don't really want to do that in Falwell Acres. The abandoned hamlet is now used for SWAT team practice. Hope the weather's nice down there, Jer. [NYDN]
A distressing new survey reveals that last month's Day Without A Starbucks—when the friendly coffee conglomerate closed for three hours in a gaudy PR stunt that placed the Olsen Twins in mortal peril—was a failure. While three quarters of all consumers knew that the closing happened, not even half knew why the closing took place [Ad Age]. Do you?