Billy Ray Cyrus's Touching Loyalty To Daughter Miley Underscored By Poignant Poop-Stomping Metaphor

Seth Abramovitch · 06/17/08 11:10AM

Billy Ray Cyrus, virtue-hoarding father and achy-breaky-svengali to cultural tween phenomenon Miley Cyrus, appeared on The Today Show this morning, where for the first time he was made to address the now-infamous Virgin Miley study that recently graced the pages of Vanity Fair. An unwavering Meredith Vieira was determined to figure out where he was as photographer Annie Leibovitz crouched beneath a lighting umbrella, pressing two index fingers to her lips as she spitballed aloud, "For the next one, maybe lose the clothes, clutch that sheet to your chest, and give me your best 'Got Milk?' face."

Those Highly-Anticipated Miley Cyrus 'First Kiss' Photos Worth $150K? Yeah, We Got 'Em Already

Molly Friedman · 05/28/08 07:15PM

At this point, seeing photos of 15-year old Miley Cyrus posing topless or seductively baring her taut tummy for rumored paramour Nick Jonas is the very definition of old news. But when it comes to the tween millionaire appearing in photos actually kissing a boy (or, gasp, a girl!) in public, these photos would likely tighten a few paparazzo's trousers. As the LA Times reports today, pictures of Miley's "first kiss" could potentially earn one lucky photographer anywhere between $30k to $150k. And we are officially confused. Why? Well, we happen to have more than a few pictures of Miley making out with all kinds of suitors, starting back when she was 14. So where's our cash? After the jump, see how the magic of Google can instantly debunk all the heated speculation on when Miley will have her first kiss, and when, oh when, will we get to see them. The time is now, Defamer readers:

All Grown-Up Miley Cyrus Goes Agency Hopping to UTA

STV · 05/05/08 01:30PM

Congratulations to the gang at United Talent Agency, who last weekend offset a series of high-profile defections with the addition of Mitchell Gossett — the Agent to the Child Stars who brings along top client and recent teenagers-fucking firebrand Miley Cyrus. Nikki Finke had the news Saturday, reporting that Billy Ray Cyrus would be tagging along out of Gossett's former headquarters at Cunningham Escott Slevin Doherty, sort of a halfway house for transitioning young talent (and, evidently, their middling parents). Finke notes that it's anyone's guess how Miley's Vanity Fair bedsheet-rocking played into the deal, but the timing seems clear enough to us.

Teenagers Fuck (And Other Lessons From The Miley Cyrus Debacle)

STV · 04/29/08 05:00PM

We're so confused. An extra day's digestion of the Miley Cyrus/Vanity Fair photo "scandal" hasn't cleared much up for us in the way of morals, betrayals, exploitations and career management of the young Hannah Montana star, but the public meltdown has alerted us to a more basic truth that is helping guide us through the fog of outrage. This isn't about Miley Cyrus without a shirt on or if she's been seen somewhere in her lingerie, or if her father dropped the ball.

Investigating The Miley Cyrus 'Topless' Photo Scandal: Career-Ender Or Standard Starlet Move?

Molly Friedman · 04/28/08 04:30PM

Vanity Fair has done it again. In their upcoming issue, famed photographer Annie Leibovitz shot a controversial photo spread featuring Billion Dollar Girl Miley Cyrus, prompting public outrage from the Christian Coalition, Disney and, naturally, the ladies of The View. Leibovitz and VF are being accused of crossing the line between art and pedophilia by shooting Cyrus in what some are calling "topless" photos (shown after the jump). Before the issue has even hit newsstands, Miley has apologized to her fans and Disney, concerned that the spread could affect the Hannah Montana cash cow. But this isn't the first time VF has hired one of their star photographers to use her lens in an effort to reinvent the images of underage starlets by featuring them in a slightly more provocative and mature light...

Miley Cyrus Aims To Kill Your Children

Richard Lawson · 03/20/08 01:40PM

Miley Cyrus, who plays (is? What?) Hannah Montana, is harming children. No, not with her music! (But, yes with her music.) She's actually hurting them through her branded toys and accessories, which, like every other fun thing in the world, are becoming increasingly deadly. You see, various items in the Hannah Montana line of products, specifically those with vinyl in them, were found by the Center for Environmental Health to contain high levels of lead. (Though, really what item meant for children doesn't, these days.) The CEH called it a "poison plastic," deftly summing up every celebrity currently idolized by the tweenagers. So parents! That Hannah Montana purse or knapsack or full-body fetish suit that your ten-year-old child has should not be ingested or touched or anything. Oh, and while you're at it, please tell her (or him) to stop licking that Zac Efron doll. Because, you know. [CNNMoney via OhNoTheyDidn't] If the lead poisoning has not yet killed your child, the video after the jump just might do the trick.

Directing Debut Of Miley Cyrus Brings Upstart Reese Witherspoon to Knees

STV · 02/28/08 05:29PM

In a fluky show of solidarity, an Oscar winner and an Oscar presenter/hopeful/soon-to-be-exile spent the week demonstrating the full spectrum of women's power behind the camera. First, Reese Witherspoon hit the press circuit for Penelope, the new indie featuring Christina Ricci as a girl cursed with a pig nose and co-star Witherspoon in her debut as a producer. Stepping up from the more nominal executive producing duties she adopted for Legally Blonde 2, Witherspoon oversaw everything from development to distribution for her Type A Films shingle:

mark · 02/13/08 04:20PM

Engulfed by automotive-safety-related controversy following a disturbing Consumer Reports exposé on their failure to wear seatbelts in a single scene in Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour, the Cyrus family was forced to apologize for giving millions of teens the false impression that Miley thinks it's totally hot to die in a car accident. It's totally not, says a regretful Billy Ray, so buckle up even if it's just a short minivan ride to your Hannah shows, rainbow parties, or whatever it is the kids are into these days: "We got caught up in the moment of filming, and we made a mistake and forgot to buckle our seatbelts. Seatbelt safety is extremely important." [People, Consumer Reports]

Hannah Montana Tweens Set To, Like, Totally Go To The Movies This Weekend And Stuff

mollyf · 02/01/08 12:46PM

Yesterday, Fandango.com released a gushing statement to the press declaring that Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert had officially become their "best-selling concert film ever." Now, Var tells us this morning that the tweeny 3D release may be a biggie in more ways than just pre-sale ticket figures; some pundits are projecting that the concert movie could trump Jessica Alba's The Eye at the B.O. this weekend. The larger question, though? Have tweenybops become the new target demo for box office breakouts? Or will the potentially sold-out-everywhere Montana movie just turn out line upon line of horndogs recently captivated by those recently surfaced Miley Underwear pics?

The Breathless Gossip Vlogger Who Will Replace Us All

Nick Douglas · 01/03/08 02:03PM

YouTube's only watchable dude-at-a-desk show is What the Buck, a daily on celeb gossip. In the latest episode, catty host Michael Buckley here thanks Satan for providing dirty photos of Hannah "underage in every state" Montana.

Miley Cyrus Defends Herself Against Shared-Licorice Lesbian Teen Romp Rumors

seth · 12/31/07 01:52PM

In a story that tidily summed up the Spirit of the Holidays™, a Texas girls' clothing chain offering four seats and a flight to see Miley Cyrus's solidly sold-out concert tour chose as the winner of its essay contest the six-year-old who began her entry, "My daddy died this year in Iraq." Trouble was, her daddy had never been to Iraq, and was alive and well living in the next town over. To listen to her mother, who orchestrated the entire thing, go on at length with a TV reporter about how she was never once told the "essay had to be true" and thus took offense at being labeled a liar, is to truly catch a chilling glimpse into the dark heart of a Hannah Montana concert-ticket-seeking parent's soul. But that would prove to be the lesser of two weekend controversies for the Disney Channel star:

Emily Gould · 12/31/07 12:59PM

It is the greatest story of the year. A six-year-old girl who won tickets to a "Hannah Montana" concert by beginning an essay "My daddy died this year in Iraq" may not get to see Miley Cyrus live and in person after all—her dad didn't die in Iraq one bit! Awesome. [AP]

Russian Prez Putin Is 'Time' Person Of The Year

Maggie · 12/19/07 01:00PM

Time magazine's 'Person of the Year' is Russian president Vladimir Putin! Congrats Vlad! The guy has restored relative economic stability to one of the most fascinating countries of our time and his loose interpretation of term limits and free speech make him a political lightning rod. Over the last several decades, we've come to rely on 'Time' to put someone admirable and fairly easy to digest on the last cover of the year—the Pope, American women, the computer! The last time the magazine chose a less than popular figure, it was Ayatollah Khomeini in 1979; readers were so outraged that many canceled their subscriptions.