You Dirty People Need to Learn How to Wash Your Hands

Caity Weaver · 06/11/13 05:36PM

For God knows what reason, you people don't like washing your hands. Maybe you don't feel you have 20 seconds to take away from your action packed day to devote to splashing around in a sink. Maybe you are a Dark Age peasant transported to our dimension through a wrinkle in time. Maybe you think there is something about your hands that makes them inherently cleaner than everyone else's. "Hey," you say, "I'm washing my hands right now!" "Hey," I say, "DON'T FUCKING LIE TO ME."

The Inherent Dangers of Getting One's Nails Did

Caity Weaver · 04/10/12 11:59PM

Californians are ready to claw someone's eyes out after a report from state's Department of Toxic Substances Control (DTSC) found that several nail polishes billing themselves as "toxic free," were, in fact, toxic times three: they contained formaldehyde, toluene and dibutyl phthalate (DBP), also known as the "toxic trio" of chemicals.

Boy with No Hands Wins Handwriting Contest

Maureen O'Connor · 04/07/11 03:46PM

Let us take a break, now, from our daily diet of sarcasm and filth for a heartwarming tale: Nicholas Maxim, a boy born with arms that end at the elbow, won educational publisher Zaner-Bloser's annual National Handwriting Contest this year. A fifth grader at Readfield Elementary School in Readfield, Maine, he beat out 200,000 other grade schoolers for the quality of penmanship he produces by pinching a writing utensil between his arms.

Two Unsmiling People Do Awesome Hand Dance

Kate Shapiro · 09/14/10 02:03PM

Irish Dance Duo Up & Over It perform mesmerizing hand-dance to Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP's addictive "We No Speak Americano." Maybe it's the deer head or the lack of expression on their faces but there's something menacing about this.