Exciting time to be Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin. Dates with each other, dates with significant others, dates over here, dates over there, dates in Central Park, dates at very exclusive parties... As Martin might say, make new girlfriends but keep the old; one is a blonde movie star and the other is also a blonde movie star.
Ho-lee balls. Looks like some shit is about to hit the motherfucking fan in the ritzy Brentwood district of Los Angeles where some motherfuckers—who shall remain nameless but we all know who they are because their tremendous gate, a thousand feet (9 ft) tall, looms over our lives, blocking out the sun and giving our children rickets—have decided that the gate height regulations that have sustained peace in Brentwood area for millennia just don’t apply to them. Some people, with their rockstar husbands and their children named after common grocery store food items, have determined that the six feet of privacy offered by standard gates is unsuitable to their needs. FUCK IT, we’re talking about Gwyneth Paltrow. Gwyneth Paltrow is running for mayor of Bitchville as the nominee on the Gate Is Too Damn High ticket.
Nothing much is at stake in Iron Man 3. The explosions only affect the bad guys (all an out-of-iron Tony Stark needs to do to deflect one is hide behind the door of a bag-ice freezer). No one of any real importance to this franchise (or that of the bigger Marvel superheroes franchise that it’s part of) is going to expire.