Last night, MTV premiered The Pauly D Project, but it was more of a chore than a project. A spin-off documenting the jet-setting life of the most likeable Jersey Shore cast member (not that that's saying much) and his band of disciples, Project has all the charisma and excitement of belly button lint acting out Entourage.
Oh, Canada. They're always so smug and convinced they can outdo the U.S. But when it came time to formulate a Canadian version of Jersey Shore, they got all PC, casting people of different ethnic backgrounds. Know what? It's worse.
The ultimate goal for all male and female guidos at the Jersey Shore is to hook up and "not fall in love." You would think this would be simple, but you would be very, very wrong.
Last week, MTV announced its newest series, Jersey Shore, which it promises will feature the "hottest, tannest, craziest guidos" in the Jerz. (Think The Hills, but starring people who are tanner and have a whole lot more confidence.) What you can expect to see: all the fist pumping, pecs, and hair gel you can handle, naturally. So how close will it be to reality and how much of it will be the product of imaginative MTV producers? To separate fact from fiction, we reached out to the world's leading expert on guido-dom, Anthony Moussa, a 30-year-old Jersey native who founded the website NLSociety.com (formerly the infamous NJGuido.com), and asked him to explain to us what the lifestyle is really all about. Join us as he discusses man-jewelry, the origin of the fist pump, and how some guidos today are disgracing the culture that so many hold near and dear.
Not sure what you're doing this weekend? Why not venture on down to Guido Beach, the Jersey Shore vacationland where the girls are orange and the boys are oranger. Down there you'll find a huuuuge bouncer guy who wears a teeny tiny little leather vest. Maybe it's a souvenir from the swinging gay hotspot Studio 54, where his father used to bounce. Then there is the crazy girl who drinks and grind dances in front of her mother and then punches some other girl in the face. It's terrific! Just like St. Tropez except with more Guidos, pink plastic drinking vessels, fist pumping, house techno, teeny tiny leathuh vests, and people from New Jersey. Watch a heinous video of the relaxing paradise after the jump.
Staten Island-all of it!-is threatening to boycott Belmar, NJ because the mayor there made derogatory remarks about "guidos," the overtanned, hair-gelled, well-muscled gentlemen who I say are just fine, so that I don't get jumped next time I go to the gym. "The mayor should watch his f- - -ing mouth!" one Staten Island resident told the Post. Ha, right you are, my friend! Do you care to read the entire press release about this grievous insult from Staten Island Good Neighborhood Association president John "JE" Englebert, for some reason? Then click through and do so! [UPDATE: And a sample of the mayor's original gentle insults!]:
In the 90s, the question on the internet's mind was, "lesbian or german lady?" Today, the internet finds itself asking "gay or Jersey?" While the question has changed, the answer remains, "there is really no reliable way of knowing!" A newish website is here to help, though. "Has anyone else noticed that New York's Bridge and Tunnel Crowd (otherwise known as "Jersey") has adopted the Chelsea look?," asks the site's anonymous mastermind(s). "These days, you can barely tell the overly-plucked, overly-shaved, overly-worked out Jersey Guidos trolling New York's streets for drunk women from the overly-plucked, overly-shaved, overly-worked fellas down in Chelsea. This site documents 'macho' Jersey's strange obsession with the gay look." It sure does! It features Friendster pictures of, for example, "Armando." "For his occupation, Armando lists: "WORK." As for music, he writes "I LIKE'M ALL!!" For some reason, this site is making us want to kill ourselves less, even though that's sort of counterintuitive.