How Should You Feel About Bombing Syria? A Guide

Max Read · 08/30/13 05:04PM

President Obama says he hasn't yet made a decision about intervening in the Syrian civil war as a response to last week's devastating chemical-weapons attack. And if he hasn't, why would you have, especially since it's Labor Day weekend and you're trying to figure out how to grill scallops, exactly, like, just throw them on there, or what? Well: We're here to help. Here are four opinions you can have about the U.S. options:

Here Is a 99-Page Guide to One Highly Organized Australian Man's Dick

Caity Weaver · 08/01/13 12:30PM

There once was a ripped, huge-dicked, extremely attentive, highly organized young man from Australia who was frightfully eager to find the woman of his dreams (within a 50 km radius of his home). To that end, he drafted a 99 page guide (to himself, his life, his future wife; his quirks, his tics, his eleven-inch dick; his orgasms, his bed, his "Fat Cock Head") and emailed it to potential girlfriends in advance of their first date.

A Guide to Not Watching the Super Bowl

Caity Weaver · 02/03/13 10:00AM

This Sunday, millions of Americans will watch two siblings square off, blood against blood, as they attempt to achieve the single most important goal of their lives.

What's the Deal With Airplanes? A Guide From a Man Who Was On Two of Them Recently

Emma Carmichael · 01/28/13 04:55PM

If there is one national mystery we have not yet gotten to the bottom of yet, it is planes: What's up with them? They're so large, and yet they fly. It's a shady business. But Business Insider's Henry Blodget, the internet's greatest troll-savant and self-taught expert in anti-Semitism, has been on a few of them (specifically, two) lately, and he knows some things about planes.

Your Guide to the Trillion-Dollar Platinum Coin That Obama Can Mint to Save the World

Max Read · 01/07/13 01:30PM

Today, New York Times columnist and Nobel prize winning economist Paul Krugman wrote that President Obama should be "absolutely" prepared to mint a one trillion dollar platinum coin and use it to pay the government's bills. It wasn't a typo: a lot of people are discussing the trillion-dollar coin as a way to avoid a fight over the debt ceiling. But what is it? And why? And whose face will be on it? Here's our guide.

A Ferry, a Three-Wheel ATV, Suge Knight and Slap Fights: Recapping Katt Williams' Terrorization of the West Coast

Jordan Sargent · 12/13/12 11:08PM

Comedian Katt Williams was once one of the funniest people on the planet. Now, he's in a very bad place. Yesterday, a judge in Seattle issued two warrants after Williams failed to show up to court there. This was just the latest event in a protracted timeline of highly ridiculous incidents, many of which have ended in Williams' arrest. Let's look at all that Williams has done to terrorize the West Coast this holiday season.

Gift Guide Roundup: Never Stop Remembering The '90s

Caity Weaver · 11/28/12 04:00PM

Last week, we asked you to embark with us on a leisurely paddleboat ride down the river Nostalgia to help choose the best gifts who people who not only lived through, but, remember the 90s. You delivered like DOMINO'S (in under 30 minutes or it's free—until that guarantee was dropped in the '90s because harried deliverymen kept getting into car accidents).

How to Conquer Gwyneth Paltrow's Evil Gift-Giving Goop Army: A Guide

MTanzer · 11/24/12 12:59PM

For those who don't know, Gwyneth Paltrow, the world's most perfect human and Beyonce's best friend, has a newsletter called Goop. It's filled with insight on how to be perfect and live your life exactly how the mother of two children named Apple and Moses lives her life.

How Will You Defeat Black Friday?

Caity Weaver · 11/20/12 04:45PM

With Black Friday a mere three days away (two, if you go by Target's definition of "Friday"), many people are already feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of leaving their homes, walking into a store, and purchasing the goods they find therein.

Here You Come to Save the Day: A Quick and Easy Guide to Sandy Relief Efforts

Max Read · 11/05/12 02:07PM

Power's been restored to lower Manhattan. Almost all the subways are up and running. New York City is lurching back to work today. Most of it, at least. In some sections of the city and the surrounding area — the Rockaway Peninsula in Queens, Coney Island in Brooklyn, several locations across Staten Island — the lights are still off, supplies are scarce, and residents and local volunteers are struggling to distribute aid. Here's how you can most effectively help.

How to Not Hire a Killer Nanny: The Collective Guide from Rich-Parents Website UrbanBaby

Max Read · 10/26/12 03:45PM

While much of New York City turned to the tabloids this morning to read more about the Upper West Side preschoolers apparently stabbed to death by their nanny (who then turned the knife on herself), the real action was all happening elsewhere: at UrbanBaby, where dozens of superrich New York parents have been dishing out theories and advice for 18 hours.

For America's Losers: a Guide to Owning a BlackBerry in 2012

MTanzer · 10/16/12 09:35PM

There's nothing worse than owning a BlackBerry in 2012. At least that's the picture The New York Times painted today with its portrait of grief, "The BlackBerry as Black Sheep." We're not all as fortunate as one of the article's subjects, Nick Mindel, who is now making the upgrade to an iPhone 5. BlackBerry owners need some ground rules if they're going to keep these dreaded things around. This is the BBMB—the BBM bible.

The 50 Cent Four-Step Stop-Masturbating Plan

Max Read · 09/26/12 05:59PM

Do you want to stop masturbating? It is, after all, "a sin," as 50 Cent informs us. Luckily, he also has a four-step plan to help you stop, free of charge: