Attention, residents of Strongville, Ohio! A possibly-violent banana (-costumed person) is on the loose, having assaulted a man wearing a gorilla costume outside a cell phone store. "I noticed a kid in the bushes. Then he just emerged, dressed up as a banana, and sprinted as fast as he could at our gorilla," manager Brandon Parham, told WJW-TV. "He just looked like a Spartan from that movie 300, except he was a banana." How does such a thing happen? Who is responsible? When will WJW reporter Melissa Reid get an award for this sentence: "Police say the person dressed up as a banana split and headed south on Pearl Road"? We may never know. Police, we are told, "believe it was a prank." [WJW-TV]
Gorillas are so much like us! Not in the sense that they're magical creatures filled with empathy and understanding or whatever; in the sense that the ones who live in the U.S. are fat-asses dying of heart disease who love to throw up eat their own vomit in order "to taste sugar again and again." Really! Heart disease is the number-one killer among the type of gorillas that live in the U.S., and zoo gorillas really do barf up their meals and eat them again, apparently four times an hour on average—even though their diet consists entirely of totally delicious-looking, definitely healthy and not-at-all gross red vitamin biscuits!
A 3-month-old baby gorilla named Tiny, who is the first gorilla to be born at the London Zoo in 20 years, takes his first steps. Miracle of life never ceases to conjure up a resounding, "awww!"
It's Thursday, so what better a time to show you a video of a gorilla walking upright like a man—and like a boss, naturally—while all of the other gorillas look on in jealousy? That's what I thought, y'all.
Koko the gorilla has had several pet cats, and today she is picking a new one! She selects Tigger, a little orange and white ball of adorable.
These gorillas get the equivalent of an Easter egg hunt when their handlers hide cupcakes all over their home. Watch them discover and eat them. Yummmm. Cupcakes.
The best pranks use a tired cliche, like a costume, and give it a new spin, like "Gorilla where there normally would not be a gorilla."