In Gore Verbinski’s two-and-a-half-hour period-blockbuster take on The Lone Ranger, a layer of dust covers everything. The seconds trickle by slowly like sweat on a brow beaten by the deluding sun. Everything is ugly and uncomfortable. The main antagonist, with grime caked on his fuzzy face, appears and reappears during one of multiple runaway train scenes and start shooting and beating and heisting. I never catch his name.
· Warner Bros. purchased the rights to the upcoming book Drink, Play, F@#K, a parody of chick-lit bestseller Eat, Pray, Love, in which a man "goes on a bender in Ireland, takes a gambling jaunt to Las Vegas and a embarks on a sex-tourism trip to Thailand." The hope is to launch a new guy-friendly franchise, with a sequel—Puke, Broke, AIDS—already in the works. [THR]
· Incomprehensible-pirate-trilogy-directing genius Gore Verbinski has signed a three-year deal with Universal, where his adaptation of the videogame Bioshock is currently in development. [Variety]
· Mark Ruffalo, last of the great Ruffalos that once covered the majestic American plains, will direct Sympathy for Delicious, about "a paralyzed DJ struggling to survive in his wheelchair on the streets of L.A." We think we can picture it: Sort of Wheels meets Glitter. [Variety]
· Aging tween idol Amanda Bynes has shaken free of CAA's deathlock embrace, disappointed that the best material they've brought her in the past six months is a script for She's The Man 2: Basic Training and an opportunity to parody the Nikki Blonsky airport beatdown on Mad TV. [THR]
·CBS is hoping to develop a series based on the book Confessions of a Contractor, but producers keep pushing up the pilot finish date and demanding more money if they expect the wiring to meet city standards. (Honk!) [Variety]
· We're not really sure how studios divvy up video game titles, deciding a Postal or Bloodrayne needs to land on the pile with flies buzzing around it marked "For Uwe," while saving a property like Bioshock for a crowd-pleasing effects wizard like Gore Verbinski, but there you have it: Verbinksi will direct Universal's big-screen adaptation. (We know, we know: It's a classic. Release it from its Microsoft shackles, so we can at least all be on the same page.) [Variety]
· Alexander Payne has been attached to direct the buzzed-about pilot Hung—featuring a well-endowed protagonist who "figures out a way to use his best asset"—for HBO. His agents are currently awaiting their package fee. Rimshot! [Variety]