Rafat Ali just wanted to talk. True, the Muslim founder of PaidContent was speaking to Glenn Beck in a "warped auto-pilot" fueled by "years of frustration" at Beck's politics, but when Ali asked the caliphate-fearing conspiracy bear to "come with me to Egypt," he wasn't trying to kidnap him. Honest, Glenn!
Over the summer we told you how fading fuckwad Glenn Beck was fleeing the liberal north to go inhabit his own $20,000-a-month rental Alamo in Dallas. Well, he must feel at home in his new hometown, because now he wants to turn an old megachurch in the Dallas suburbs into the headquarters for GBTV.com—his subscriber-based Internet cry- and clown-porn channel.
It's been a different world for Glenn Beck ever since he vacated his post at Fox News, under the vaguest of circumstances. (Certainly, Roger Ailes bluntly and dismissively telling an AP reporter that he only hired Beck because he "was hot and got ratings" didn't help much to mend fences.) But life goes on for America's foremost babbling dipshit. One simply pumps oneself up with a rousing selection from the original cast recording of Spider-Man: Switch Off the Lights, silently wishes a painful and prolonged death upon one's enemies (all 85 million of them), and then steps out onto the stage of a near-empty ballroom at the Omni Shoreham Hotel in Washington, D.C., for a scheduled appearance at the 2011 Values Voter Summit.
It's been almost a month since Bono and Spider-Man told Glenn Beck to leave Fox News for a career in the lucrative field of "crazy guy with a website." So why don't we check in on him? Today, on his stupid radio show, he compared the Norwegian Labor Party youth camp that was the site of a spree killing that left 76 people, most of them teenagers, dead, to the Hitler Youth:
It was supposed to have been a bittersweet and quietly contemplative week for Glenn Beck, whose final Fox News Channel show aired today. Of course, all that was derailed by that senseless incident at Bryant Park, when his entire family was swept away by a wave of Cabernet Sauvignon released from a crop duster by an insane liberal. (Or else a plastic cup of wine tipped over. Reports were conflicting.)
Glenn Beck absolutely will not shut up about The Time A Woman Accidentally Spilled Wine On His Wife! On Wednesday he spent a full 10 minutes on his radio show tearing into a moviegoer who says he's greatly exaggerated his family's brush with death at an outdoor movie.
Two tipsters (acting independently!) sent us some photos of Fox News host Glenn Beck gathering ideas for his show by watching tonight's showing of Hitchcock's The 39 Steps at Bryant Park in New York City. The movie, of course, is about a man who accidentally uncovers a network of spies, operating under the watchful eye of Van Jones. Beck was joined, apparently by his family; they sat (of course!) on an American-flag blanket. Seen someone interesting? Email it to email@example.com or post it yourself to #stalker.
What should have been just another interminable conversation between two mind-boggling A-holes took an intriguing turn down Rainbow Alley last night, when Fox News host (and self-loathing Gleek) Glenn Beck accidentally blurted out, "I could kiss you in the mouth" to Rick Santorum on Thursday's show. (It was in response to Santorum saying that he'd signed the "Cut, Cap and Balance" pledge, which is apparently the fiscal conservative equivalent of announcing, "I just scored a pair of Lady Gaga floor seats!")