Mark Zuckerberg Has to Sit in a Room With Glenn Beck Now

Ashley Feinberg · 05/15/16 06:40PM

In an effort to quell the frantic conservative Twitter eggs currently running amok online, Mark Zuckerberg has resorted to a line of recourse that seems almost too good to be true (for everyone who’s not Mark Zuckerberg). Because this coming Wednesday, the Facebook man who struggles to understand basic social cues is going to be forced to sit in a room with conservative lunatic Glenn Beck and 11 other “conservative thought leaders.” Sometimes dreams really can come true.

Orange You Glad Glenn Beck Coated Himself in Cheeto Dust

Andy Cush · 04/29/16 01:34PM

Sitting in a harshly lit anteroom, you watch a doomsday prophet don a pair of dark goggles. He leads three sycophants in some vulgar ceremony, dipping his face into a vessel of synthetic orange powder and instructing the servants to do the same. Is that Cheeto dust? You pinch yourself and flail, desperate to wake up, but this is no nightmare. This is yesterday’s episode of The Glenn Beck Program, hosted by Glenn Beck.

Donald Trump Just Crashed Glenn Beck's Party

Brendan O'Connor · 02/23/16 10:27PM

On Tuesday, as Glenn Beck was speaking on behalf of Ted Cruz, Donald Trump barged into the gymnasium at Palo Verde High School in Summerlin, Nevada, to glad-hand and distract everyone from voting for anyone other than himself.

Glenn Beck: The Media "Just Raped Bill Cosby"

Jay Hathaway · 11/20/14 05:06PM

Glenn Beck, person who profits by saying outrageously dumb things, said another outrageously dumb thing Thursday. Specifically, he claimed that alleged rapist Bill Cosby is actually a victim of rape himself—media rape, by the evil and predatory mainstream media!

Glenn Beck Thinks Nigerian Prison Guards Are Going to Give Us All Ebola

Enid Shaw · 09/16/14 06:05PM

By now, the oh-my-God-we're-all-going-to-get-Ebola fever that gripped much of the United States this summer has pretty much subsided. Although one study suggests that the virus could reach the U.S. by late September, we all pretty much know that any outbreak here would likely be a relatively small cluster and more easily treatable than in West Africa, where the disease has killed 2,200 people so far, due in large part to a lack of healthcare workers and hospital facilities in the hardest-hit areas.

Glenn Beck Angers Conservatives by Being Humane to Immigrants

Adam Weinstein · 07/09/14 04:15PM

Glenn Beck announced yesterday that he would personally help finance and deliver "tractor-trailers full of food, water, teddy bears and soccer balls" to the 60,000 underage undocumented immigrants detained at the U.S.-Mexico border. And some conservatives are going apeshit on him.

Watch Glenn Beck Put a Man in a Wig to Teach Guys Jokes About Rape

Adam Weinstein · 05/30/14 01:49PM

Glenn Beck thinks that not nearly as many women on college campuses are raped or assaulted as the government does. He wants you to understand the truth, which is why he aired this bizarre pantomime between a "rape expert" and a guy in a wig and skirt.

A Glenn Beck Without a Voice is Still a Glenn Beck

Kate Bennert · 06/13/13 08:49AM

Glenn Beck lost his voice on Monday. Which is to say, Glenn Beck (as we are led to believe) could not make any physical words come out of his mouth on Monday. But an anger-clown without a voice is still an anger-clown, albeit a sad anger-clown. And this particular sad anger-clown would like you to please feel sorry for him in his state of silence. In fact, Glenn Beck would like you to know that life has always been pretty hard for Glenn Beck, and for the love of God could you please just feel sorry for Glenn Beck? Here is what a mute Glenn Beck told the public (if the public was even watching) on his show this past Monday while aggressively frowning over a reeeeeeeally big stack of hand-written flashcards:

Glenn Beck vs. The Citadel: Who Announced Plans for a Libertarian Commune Better?

Mallory Ortberg · 01/13/13 03:41PM

This week saw not one but two announcements about the development of intentional living communities dedicated to the principles of libertarianism: one from Glenn Beck (Independence, USA, a "city-theme park hybrid" that will marry "media, live events, small business stores, educational projects, charity, entertainment, news, information, and technology R&D") and the other from a group of like-minded citizens looking to build a rifleman's paradise in the mountains of Idaho (The Citadel, which boasts "No credit check. No background check. Zero down payment. Zero interest. Zero property taxes.").

Vince Vaughn and Glenn Beck Are Making a Reality TV Show Together

Taylor Berman · 12/10/12 10:58PM

Last we heard from Glenn Beck, he was dunking Obama dolls in jars full of fake piss, all in the name of art. Well, now he's set his artistic goals even higher; the former Fox News troll is collaborating with Vince Vaughn on a new reality TV project. The show, called "Pursuit of Truth," will set 20 documentary filmmakers against each other for the prize of having their film, which will no doubt be taken seriously, financed and distributed. All nine of the show's episodes will air on Beck's network, The Blaze TV.

Glenn Beck Put an Obama Toy in a Jar Filled With Fake Urine, Plans to Sell It for $25,000

Taylor Berman · 11/28/12 12:31AM

Now that he's cornered the denim market, noted patriot Glenn Beck has set his sights on an even more lucrative business. As part of a bizarre campaign to prove the importance of the first amendment, Beck filled a jar with what he at first claimed to be urine (he later admitted it was beer) and then placed an Obama toy inside. He has plans to sell the "art," which Beck titled "Obama in Pee Pee," on his website for the reasonable price of $25,000.

Trayvon Martin: All This Has Happened Before and Will Happen Again

Mobutu Sese Seko · 03/20/12 02:30PM

Last night, the U.S. Justice Department announced that it would investigate the death of Trayvon Martin, after watching outrage build as Florida authorities appeared to do nothing for 23 days. The 17-year-old Martin was walking through a residential development in Sanford, Fla. and was chased down and shot by a 28-year-old man named George Zimmerman. If this sounds painfully familiar, it should.