What is the ultimate representation of the magnificence that is our complex, dynamic, and hugely mysterious planet Earth? Could it be something as simple as the laughter of children? Is it our wondrous oceans? Or is it an intangible quality, like the fact that humans continue to labor toward improvement despite the fact that there appears to be no real reason to survive, and that our existences and everything we do are almost comically pointless? It could be any of those things, really, or none of them, depending on who you ask. For if you talk to Texas Congressman Steve Stockman about what the best thing about Earth is, he'll give you a different answer altogether:
New York City is currently experiencing a crippling gas shortage. The entire New York City/New Jersey region has twelve gallons of gas, post-Sandy. (Estimation.) Hours-long lines at the pumps have exploded in brawls and even gun-waving. How bad is it, really? We want to hear your worst horror stories of waiting at the pump, siphoning gas from parked cars, or bartering your cat for fuel. Please email them to: Tips@gawker.com
Who of us hasn't, at one time or other in our wild and misspent youths, let one rip, mightily and strong, for the comic benefit of our peers? It's practically a rite of passage! Well, two such mischievous scamps, seventh graders from Ohio, have been suspended by their school for doing just that. Farting on their school bus.
Five major US airlines — AirTran, Delta, US Air, Virgin America, and JetBlue — have all recently raised (or will soon raise) their domestic round-trip airfare by $10. They say the hike was implemented as a way of countering rising jet fuel costs, but clearly it's just another example of the airlines taking us for a ride. (Figuratively. I understand that they already do literally take us for a ride.) How much more fare-raising will we stand before we resort to the old ways of the locomotive or a weary resignation that we'll just never see California? [AP, image via Shutterstock]
BBC host Myleene Klaas farted audibly on the live National Lottery TV show on Wednesday evening. Immediately after ripping ass (unless it was a loud belly rumble?) she breaks into a wide grin and giggles. Off camera, another host chortles.
You think you've got it rough with gas prices through the roof? Hell, all you have to worry about is driving to work, forgoing vacations, and watching your family freeze this winter. Meanwhile, hip-hop entrepreneur Sean "P. Diddy" Combs can't even fly his private jet to L.A. these days to further his "acting career." Seriously, the man has been reduced to flying first class and posting videos about this frightening turn of events. "As you know, I do have my own jet, but I've been having to fly back and forth to L.A. pursuing my acting career," he says. "Now, if I'm flying back and forth twice a month, that's like $200,000, $250,00 round trip. I'm back on American Airlines." His sad, sad video blog post-in which he whines, "Give a shout out to all my Saudi Arabia brothers and sisters and all the brothers and sisters in all the countries that have oil... if you could please send me some oil for my jet, I would truly appreciate it."-is after the jump.
In a few weeks, self-reliance will be made moot by the collaborative efforts of Exxon and Google. Lost motorists will encounter Google Maps screens at thousands of gas pumps across America. In an ode to the 15th century, after drivers select a destination, the pumps will spit out directions on genuine refined paper pulp. But what the fuck are you supposed to do if you're lost in Jersey? Though it's not as though your life would be made all that more efficient if you had step-by-step directions to the nearest 18-mile Turnpike bottleneck. Just sit in your full-serve lane, trying not to murder the gas monkey moseying his way over and be grateful for that 75¢ a gallon you're saving off the currently insane prices. It's your own fault you left the island of Manhattan, cheapo.