Scarlett Johansson Gives Birth to Healthy Baby Grandmother

Caity Weaver · 09/05/14 08:39AM

One more frigging person in New York City, now that actress Scarlett Johansson has just given birth to her first child—a baby girl—in the already densely populated metropolis. The baby's name is Rose Dorothy, and she is 85 years old, and she loves her grandchildren very much, and she really shouldn't be driving anymore except that her kids are leery of selling her Buick and taking away her sense of "independence."