Next time you order mediocre drunken noodles from that generic-sounding restaurant that pops up first when you type “Thai” into the Seamless search bar, you should know that you may receive mediocre drunken noodles from a different generic-sounding Thai restaurant altogether—and that the one you ordered from may not exist at all.
There’s an old joke that goes something like: “Boy, the food at this place is really terrible,” says one Subway customer to another. “Yeah, I know,” says the second guy, “and such small portions.” Well, those two customers really exist, and they sued the company for false advertising back in 2013. In an attempt to finally settle the case this week, Subway agreed to start measuring its footlong sandwiches to make sure they really live up to their names.
Sometime this month, the world woke up and discovered it was no longer enamored with the Fat Jew, a collector of other people’s jokes best known for submerging himself in large vats of food. The fallout was quick—he’s already lost a TV development deal with Comedy Central and a gig with Seamless. But things can always get worse, and indeed they have: now even food wants nothing to do with his toxic brand.
Texas agriculture commissioner Sid Miller has lifted a state ban on deep fryers and soda machines in schools, saying “We want families, teachers and school districts to know the Texas Department of Agriculture supports their decisions and efforts to teach Texas students about making healthy choices.” Hick.
Last year, Burger King Japan brought back its bizarre Kuro Burger—a black burger with black sauce and black cheese—for the third year in a row. I ate it, and it tasted slightly better than it looked (not saying much). The Kuro Burger is coming back again this year, but BK Japan is also trying out a new freakshow sandwich: The AKA (Red) Samurai burger, featuring a blood-red bun and cheese, and red ANGRY sauce.