Revenge of the Cows: Meat Gives You Cancer

Hamilton Nolan · 10/26/15 08:39AM

The World Health Organization has given vegetarians all of the ammo we need to win every argument from now on about nasty meat—which gives you cancer.

Subway Might Soon Be Legally Required to Measure Your Footlong

Jay Hathaway · 10/20/15 03:50PM

There’s an old joke that goes something like: “Boy, the food at this place is really terrible,” says one Subway customer to another. “Yeah, I know,” says the second guy, “and such small portions.” Well, those two customers really exist, and they sued the company for false advertising back in 2013. In an attempt to finally settle the case this week, Subway agreed to start measuring its footlong sandwiches to make sure they really live up to their names.

Even Food Is Distancing Itself From the Fat Jew

Gabrielle Bluestone · 08/25/15 01:15PM

Sometime this month, the world woke up and discovered it was no longer enamored with the Fat Jew, a collector of other people’s jokes best known for submerging himself in large vats of food. The fallout was quick—he’s already lost a TV development deal with Comedy Central and a gig with Seamless. But things can always get worse, and indeed they have: now even food wants nothing to do with his toxic brand.

Hamilton Nolan · 08/05/15 01:55PM

This week, Dunkin’ Donuts opened its very first store in Iceland. “‘I love the variety they offer,’ said Steinar Gunnarsson, a student, who visited the restaurant soon after it opened. ‘They offer more than just a couple of brands of donuts usually found in Icelandic bakeries.’” Pathetic.

Hamilton Nolan · 06/19/15 12:43PM

Texas agriculture commissioner Sid Miller has lifted a state ban on deep fryers and soda machines in schools, saying “We want families, teachers and school districts to know the Texas Department of Agriculture supports their decisions and efforts to teach Texas students about making healthy choices.” Hick.

Prediction: Burger King Japan's Red Cheeseburger Will Be Pretty Good

Jay Hathaway · 06/17/15 11:15AM

Last year, Burger King Japan brought back its bizarre Kuro Burger—a black burger with black sauce and black cheese—for the third year in a row. I ate it, and it tasted slightly better than it looked (not saying much). The Kuro Burger is coming back again this year, but BK Japan is also trying out a new freakshow sandwich: The AKA (Red) Samurai burger, featuring a blood-red bun and cheese, and red ANGRY sauce.