Did you hear? New York Times restaurant critic Pete Wells reviewed Guy Fieri's new Times Square restaurant, Guy's American Kitchen, and he really hated it. Can you believe that? America's haughtiest paper disliked America's bro-iest chef's new venture in America's crassest den of commercialism outside of Las Vegas. Amazing. And yet—it turns out that other people who have tested Guy's American Kitchen, which opened in mid-September, have actually really enjoyed themselves. Here are 10 of those people (sic throughout):
The recent layoffs that swept the entertainment industry seem also to have reached the Fox lot, where we fear the entire Fox News Cafe Promotional Menu Department has been decimated by cutbacks. It's the only logical explanation for today's bill of fare supposedly celebrating 24's two-night, four-hour season premiere event. Feebly tied-in offerings like "pulse-racing pasta," "suspenseful sandwiches," and a "shocking" serving of Manhattan clam chowder make a mockery of the once-proud News Cafe theme-meal tradition. The most buzzed-about series on Fox's current schedule demands top-shelf effort, even if it results in an unappetizing, Bones-like misstep; better to overshoot the creative target with dishes like "Holy Shit! Did Jack Bauer Just Cut Off That Dude's Head? Meatloaf" then settle for the mediocrity of the "ticking clock combo." Fox execs better make sure that Kiefer Sutherland doesn't wander into the Cafe today, lest he express his rage at their promotional neglect by getting grievously drunk and asking permission to destroy the "Fucking CTU Salad Bar" in disgust.
Attention all Fox employees unlucky enough to be at their desks at this ungodly hour: This is just a friendly reminder that your infinitely benevolent masters are once again offering you a very special treat at the Commissary and the News Cafe. That's right, Foxies, they're generously affording you the opportunity to purchase "Pam-Cakes," everyone's favorite promotional breakfast treat (with the possible exception of the Prison Break Shower Sausage) to celebrate tonight's special pre-cancellation presentation of Pamela Anderson's Stacked. Get yourself down to the mess hall before they're gone, but eaters beware: The flapjacks look fluffy and delicious on-camera, but up close, they're distressingly wrinkled and unappetizing.
The Defamer Special Movie Premiere Food Critic attended last night's screening of The Exorcism of Emily Rose at the ArcLight's Cinerama Dome and after-party at Cabana Club, and has once again filed his impressions of the post-movie spread. While he happily indulged in the all-you-can-eat portions of this Devil's repast, he found the culinary offerings lacking variety and imagination. As always, enjoy your meal:
After nearly an entire summer spent in gastronomic discontent, the Defamer Special Movie Premiere Food Critic returns to gorge on the post-screening spreads of Hollywood, this time glutting himself at last night's Red Eye party. Would DreamWorks serve up airline food, or did the flailing studio let its culinary ambition soar much higher? Enjoy your meal: