When police arrived at a Jacksonville, Fla., birthday party Wednesday in search of Ryan Bautista, the 34-year-old fugitive and his beau engaged them in a 6 1/2 hour standoff before they were taken into custody. The reported reason? They wanted to make sweet love to each other one last time. Awwwwwww!
Just before puking and just after allegedly crashing his car into a house, Florida resident Reliford Cooper reportedly told the police arresting him on DUI charges that he was not the person driving his car. In fact, Cooper said, a person wasn’t behind the wheel at all. “My dog was driving that car,” he said, according to WFTS.
Augustus Sol Invictus, Floridian former lawyer and current Libertarian candidate for Senate, once described himself as “of genius intellect,” “God’s gift to humankind where the English language is concerned,” and “everything you ever wanted to be.” Critics describe him as “a self-proclaimed fascist” and “absolute insanity.” One time, he killed a goat and drank its blood.
On Tuesday, a Florida judge decided that the case against Matthew Apperson, who allegedly tried to kill George Zimmerman in a roadway shooting this May, will go to trial. According to Reuters, Zimmerman testified today that he saw Apperson and the barrel of a gun and then heard “a bang and a ringing in my ears.”
Say you’re a wild raccoon and you want to use the Precious Moments-esque saucer eyes you’ve been gifted with to trick a human into feeding you regularly. You could pick just anyone, or you could be efficient and choose a hippie who will let you walk all over her (or in this case, roll a stone over her glass door for sometimes hours at a time, causing physical damage to her property). What do you do? If you’re the wily motherfucker above, you go with the hippie and you roll your way to viral fame while eating the profits.