Earth to Robin Thicke: No1curr About Your Stupid Paula Album

Rich Juzwiak · 07/10/14 03:50PM

Robin Thicke's ode to his estranged wife, his seventh studio album, Paula, is a commercial disaster. In its first week, it sold 24,000 copies in the U.S.—that's an almost 87 percent drop from the first-week haul of last year's Blurred Lines (177,000 copies), and even less than Jennifer Lopez's recent A.K.A., which is widely regarded as an instant flop. To contrast, this week's No. 1 album on the Billboard 200, Trey Songz's Trigga, did 105,000 copies.

Songs from Justin Timberlake's New Album, in Order of Embarrassment

Rich Juzwiak · 10/03/13 01:30PM

Whatever Justin Timberlake had, musically, he's lost—at least for now, if his excruciating The 20/20 Experience – 2 of 2 is an indication. Some critics who stretched to defend the uninspired first half of this unpleasant "experience" earlier this year can't even muster a pro argument for this collection of outtakes of an album that already sounded like outtakes in the first place (2 of 2 is to 1 of 2 as 1 of 2 is to FutureSex/LoveSounds). The guy has nothing to say, and so he structures the majority of the overlong songs here around thematic metaphors, like R. Kelly without the humor, smarts, panache, individuality, and soul. His trusty producer, responsible for the bulk of 2 of 2's beats similarly has nothing new to say. Who's hungry for twice-reheated '00s revivalism?

Rich Juzwiak · 08/06/12 11:00AM

If Demi Moore is the Queen of Flops, Colin Farrell is their king. Sucks because he's fantastic to watch.

Miley Cyrus' Character Has a Snappy Bald Vagina in the Buried Flick LOL

Rich Juzwiak · 07/31/12 02:50PM

The scene above is a great indication of how bad noted sex enthusiast Miley Cyrus's LOL is. It's a movie that Lionsgate all but buried during its millisecond run in theaters. In the clip above, Demi Moore bathes with one daughter and chastises her other, Cyrus' character Lola, for having undergone a Brazilian wax, which she brazenly shows off — well, as brazenly as PG-13 will allow. "Maaahm!" is the wost answer you could possibly give when someone asks if you have a Brazilian. Moments later, Cyrus and Moore spoon in bed. So that's how it is in their family.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Is as Tasteless as It Sounds

Rich Juzwiak · 06/22/12 11:45AM

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is not racist, per se. No hatred is palpable. Abraham Lincoln's abolitionism is his heroism, and it's made literal as he uses his gun-powder-packed axe to off slave-owning vampires in this historical fantasy from the mind of Seth Grahame-Smith (author of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies). Early on, we see a young black kid separated from his slave family and then nearly get beaten to death because of the color of his skin. Abe adopts him as a friend for life, much to the benefit of both. To watch this film is to root for Abe is to root for the dignity of the lives of slaves.

John Carter is a Movie About a Man Named John Carter, According to John Carter

Rich Juzwiak · 06/06/12 11:00AM

John Carter, the instantly infamous Disney bomb and possible co-assassin of Taylor Kitsch's career, sees its home-video release this week. It's kind of worth checking out just for the disastrous spectacle of it all, but if you're busy and don't want to watch two-plus hours of a multi-pronged civil war on Mars (aka Barsoom), which a white man crashes and then out-indigenouses the indigenous people, I've distilled everything you need to know about it. The video above is every instance of people saying the titular character's name throughout the film. They say it a lot. It's branding gone bad.

Sarah Palin Biopic Headed to On-Demand

Jeff Neumann · 07/25/11 02:47AM

The feature-length movie about Sarah Palin by Sarah Palin released just 10 days ago, The Undefeated, is headed to the small screen soon. According to ARC Entertainment, "beginning on September 1st the film will be available to 75 million homes" for a fee, of course. The producer adds via press release: