New Diet Drugs Still Not as Good as Pushups

Hamilton Nolan · 06/07/13 11:32AM

Today marks the arrival of two new prescription drugs designed to help Americans lose weight. For hundreds of dollars per month, clinically obese Americans will be able to purchase cutting-edge chemistry that is less effective than just taking long walks sometimes.

‘How Can You Not Lick the Air?’ Gawker Does Zumba (with Lil Jon)


This past January, three intrepid Gawker employees traveled to around the corner from their office to try out New York's bougie new fitness craze: SoulCycle. What the experience lacked in comfort, it made up for in terror and also seeing Chelsea Clinton. Emboldened, last night two of them (the third is on a cruise eating hot dogs from a buffet), accepted an invitation to tackle a new fitness fad, this one favored by women of a certain age: Zumba.

Maggie Lange · 03/06/13 12:43PM

Miss Hamilton Nolan's I of the Tiger? Head to Deadspin for the latest installment: 10 Supplements You Actually Need.

How Much Irrational Anger Will Result From This Study Linking Women, Housework, and Physical Fitness?

Hamilton Nolan · 02/28/13 11:29AM

First, let us present the plain facts: there is a new study out, based on statistics gleaned from "time use diaries" filled out by women chronicling their own activity. Researchers found that American women today are spending only about half as much time doing housework—vacuuming, laundry, etc.—as they were 45 years ago. During the same period of time, the amount of time that women spent sitting down and watching a screen doubled. The conclusion, based in simple biological fact, as stated in the NYT in a story headlined "What Housework Has to Do With Waistlines:"

Brawny Bieber Boorishly Bares Bulky Body

Hamilton Nolan · 01/29/13 04:28PM

This brash young zoot-suiter Justin Bieber had better learn something more than baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby—he had better learn some respect. Respect for rules. Respect for society. Respect for propriety. Here a nice young man like Justin is, parading around without a shirt on, torso unclad as you please. We fear that one more promising young man has fallen prey to the lure of orgiastic fashion malefaction.

Ladies: Exercise Is More Important Than Your Hair

Hamilton Nolan · 12/18/12 04:00PM

Here now, a new study chronicled in the scientific journal The Daily Mail, which lays bare womankind's deepest, darkest, shiniest, most volumizing secret: some women are far more concerned about their hair than about their physique. Ladies. Ladies. You have it backwards.

Hamilton Nolan · 11/16/12 05:13PM

The founder of Crossfit has won his battle to keep private equity out of Crossfit. Burpee vomit remains in Crossfit.

Hamilton Nolan · 10/15/12 03:58PM

Science says: it doesn't matter how you run, just run fast. And wear some fucking shoes.

Paul Ryan Has Already Lost the Debate Based on These Workout Photos

Hamilton Nolan · 10/11/12 09:45AM

The vice presidential debates are tonight. We expect and assume that, as in most elections, the debates—and the subsequent election—will be decided primarily upon the basis of which candidate most fully embodies the wise teachings of Gawker Media fitness columns. Well, shut it down, Biden has won, no need to show up today, might as well stay home and moisturize, "SNOWFLAKE" Ryan.

The Hardcore Heart

Hamilton Nolan · 09/21/12 09:30AM

There comes a time, in every man's life, when he's gotta handle shit up on his own. Can't depend on friends to help you in a squeeze. Please—they got problems of their own. These words are just as true now as they were minutes ago, when I stole them from a Pharcyde song.

Hardest Things First

Hamilton Nolan · 08/24/12 11:50AM

I'll tell you something about a lot of people that just might surprise you: people can't figure things out. Sometimes I look at people like, "Man, you are just not right with that." People don't understand things much, is the problem. People don't know.

Ab Circle Pro? More Like Fat, Gurgle, Slow

Hamilton Nolan · 08/24/12 08:55AM

It seems damn hard to get in shape these days. First, Americans were devastated to learn that billboards would not turn them into fitness models; now, in another crushing blow to people who want to exercise in their living rooms with a bare minimum of effort and subsequently bear a strong resemblance to John Basedow, it seems the Ab Circle Pro is not the magical device that was promised.

P90X Is a Fascist Workout

Hamilton Nolan · 08/15/12 10:15AM

Here at "I of the Tiger" Fitness Reportage Inc., we don't know much about "politics" or "economics" or "stealthy plans to decimate the social safety net while funneling untold sums to the rich." But we do know about fitness fads, exercise trends, and workout crapola. So when we heard that hokey-doke dreamboat Paul Ryan, Washington DC's most famous adherent of the P90X workout, could be the next VP, we immediately knew that it was time to exploit this fact for profit.