To Get This ISIS Video Workout, You'd Have to Spend $1,000, Plus Get Kicked in the Balls

Sam Biddle · 05/09/16 10:45AM

The propaganda that flows out of the Islamic State is typically of two kinds: Extreme, shocking violence (lynchings, shootings, stabbings, beheadings), or boring scenes of feigned domestic stability (a hummus factory, crops, a bus stop). But the fitness routines of ISIS constitute a third, bizarre form of media terror. Should we be scared of them?

No Class

Hamilton Nolan · 03/03/16 11:42AM

High class? Low class? No class. NO FITNESS CLASS. NEVER.

Hamilton Nolan · 01/26/16 12:49PM

“‘As I’m looking for a job, spending this kind of money shocks me,’ Hansen says of her $14,000 annual fitness budget, ‘but it keeps me sane.’” Some people value fitness classes very highly.

Hamilton Nolan · 10/21/15 11:10AM

A new study finds that lifting weights may “slow the age-related shrinking of some parts of our brains.” Don’t be weak, old, and dumb—squat.

Your Fitness Community Sickens Me

Hamilton Nolan · 08/27/15 10:40AM

You look at yourself and see a strong, vibrant member of a community of like-minded individuals. I look at you and I see a sweaty, desperate fascist in training. Three supportive cheers from the Fitness Team for your personal record today—fascist!

Hamilton Nolan · 06/18/15 01:49PM

Fitness measurement gadget maker Fitbit has surged a full 50% in its stock market debut today, meaning Fitbit is now a $6 billion company that, ideally, would not exist.

Fuck Your Arms

Hamilton Nolan · 05/28/15 09:28AM

Uh oh, summertime is here and you know what that means, ladies—time to obsess over your arms, for some reason! Wow! Arms! Appendages! What to do?

Y'all Are Lazy

Hamilton Nolan · 04/24/15 04:12PM

Are you one of a subset of 83 million Americans? You’re lazy, man.

No Playlist

Hamilton Nolan · 02/23/15 12:22PM

Should you lift weights to heavy metal? Should you cardio dance to hip hop tracks? Should you run the streets listening to podcasts? NO.