The fiscal cliff has been avoided, and here's the best news: it means the end of fiscal cliff parody accounts! Assuming you're sane, you weren't following any of these accounts, anyway. But let's roll the montage of "greatest hits" so we never forget how creatively empty and unfunny Twitter is at its worse.
When I was in college I would do this thing where I would procrastinate on papers for days or weeks or months before finally buckling in and getting to work with, oh, 12 hours left before the thing was due. Then I would work furiously for a bit before giving up in the end and wrapping the paper up as sloppily as possible. It would be 3 a.m. and I would be in the library and I would say to myself, "I'm tired and I need to go home." I wasn't very good at college which is why I'm now a blogger — that's a lesson for you children.
President Obama appeared on Meet The Press this morning to talk about the ongoing fiscal cliff negotiations. His 30 minute conversation with host David Gregory was pretty cordial and never really got heated at any point. Those looking for Obama to show anger at Republicans were probably disappointed, but he dug into them at several moments for their inability to take any of the deals that he offered over the past month.
Hurricane Sandy relief efforts continued over the holidays with volunteers dropping off meals on Christmas eve and confidential documents being returned from the wreckage to their rightful owners. But good will can only go so far and victims in the north east are still waiting for federal aid to trickle in.
The fiscal cliff is imminent. We are hurtling, not to mention barreling, toward it. Also, it's looming. Every news organization has been churning out folksy little cartoons explaining the situation at the rate of thousands a day since August. There have also been a lot of Wile E. Coyote jokes, and for that alone we deserve as a people to be bound hand and foot and cast into the outer darkness where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth.
Today, in a letter posted on the company's website, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz announced that D.C.-area Starbucks employees will be writing "Come Together" on customers' cups, encouraging Republicans and Democrats to "come together" on a budget deal that would avoid the so-called "fiscal cliff." In the spirit of a free and open debate, we have a different proposal, which we're outlining here in an open letter.
Michael Crapo, the unfortunately named Republican senator from Idaho, was arrested early Sunday morning in Alexandria, Virginia for drunk driving. After reportedly running a red light and failing multiple sobriety tests, Crapo was taken into custody and booked at the Alexandria jail. He was released at 5 a.m. on $1,000 bail.
Tonight, House speaker John Boehner wanted to force the hand of Barack Obama and the Democratic leadership by bringing his bill to solve the fiscal cliff — titled Plan B — to a vote. There was only one problem: he couldn't even get enough Republican support for the bill to make a vote worthwhile. That rendered Boehener essentially powerless, and it led to the walking Creamsicle from Ohio saying the Serenity Prayer on the House floor:
Democrats and Republicans in the Senate are still at war over the oncoming "fiscal cliff" — a term used to describe the combination of tax increases and spending cuts set to go into effect on Jan. 1 — because they are children. Neither side wants to see the American economy fly off the so-called "cliff," and something is going to be done about it before the end of the year so that we don't get kicked into another recession (which is exactly the situation that played itself out with the debt ceiling). Of course, the Senate can't work on a gravely crucial agreement without self-important grandstanding and petty political posturing. Which brings us to Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell, the esteemed elderly turtle from Kentucky.
Appearing on Fox News Sunday to talk post-election politics, Weekly Standard editor Bill Kristol informed the other members of his panel it was time to face reality and give the people what they want.