I never met James Gandolfini. His work as Tony Soprano strikes me as a unique and staggering artistic achievement, but I am a non-expert fan, with no experience in acting or television. To my surprise, though, he is the first celebrity whose death has touched me in that way that celebrity deaths seem to touch people.
You think because you "took the stairs" this morning that you can eat whatever you want? Nope, because we're all fat. The fat people are fat. The skinny people are fat. The regular people are fat. The young and old are fat. You're fat. I'm fat. Your mom's way fat. We're fatter, in fact, than we thought.
Know what is funnier than fat people falling or breaking things? Famous fat people falling or breaking things. Know what's funnier than that? When it happens on national television.
Back in April, Arizona governor Jan Brewer floated the idea of charging a $50 fee for fat, childless, smoking Medicaid recipients. What the hell is $50 going to do to offset rising statewide Medicaid costs, you might ask? That'll pay for a whole 20 pack of Depend® adult diapers! But that's not exactly what they're going for. Basically they want to hunt down every lonely, hoarding cat lady in the state to extort them into shape. The Times did a Q and A with the spokeswoman for Arizona's Medicaid, Monica Coury:
We already know that nearly everyone with a desk job is going to get bowel cancer, thanks to new research. And sugar will give you cancer, as long as you manage to survive the heart attack that precedes it. But now, thanks to even newer research, we learn that even if you think you're getting enough exercise, you probably aren't and are going to die because you spend way too much time sitting on the couch, eating shitty food and watching shittier television.
Researchers from the University of Minnesota have discovered that parents with active young children tend to neglect their own health and are therefore generally fatter than their childless peers. Ah, the perils of parenting! The results of the study were published today in Pediatrics, and in addition to other stats, researchers found that mothers with children under 5 years old on average consume 368 more calories per day than women who don't have kids. According to the AP, "With that many calories, women that age would need to be active to avoid gaining weight, walking more than 3 miles daily at a moderate pace."
Despite having a diet that consists solely of french fries with gravy, weird bacon-ham, and moose brains, Canadians are still significantly less obese ("less obese" is where we're at these days, "skinnier" went out the window long ago) than their neighbors to the south. Namely, us. Yes, a study released today shows that 34% of Americans are obese versus 24% of Canadians. What gives?
In real life, fat guys never get the girl. Duh. But real life be damned! In TV land, anything is possible...including being a fat slob and still having a sexy and sometimes submissive wife. These are those lucky men.