McDonald's Kindly Decides to Torture Mama Pigs Less (At Some Point)

Hamilton Nolan · 02/14/12 09:17AM

Food simulacra purveyor McDonald's has announced that it will "take actions" to "phase out" the use of gestational crates—tiny little pens for pregnant pigs that don't allow the pregnant pigs to turn around for four months, fucking them up in all sorts of ways—among the company's pork suppliers. "There are alternatives that we think are better for the welfare of sows," a McDonald's executive said in a statement that was probably a real chuckle for pregnant pigs. "I'll say!" said the tortured pigs with a good-natured laugh.

Filming of New Rihanna Video Halted After Irish Farmer Objects

Max Read · 09/27/11 06:12PM

For some reason, Rihanna is filming a new video in a field in County Down, Northern Ireland. Or, she was, until the farmer who owns the field asked her to stop. "I wish no ill will against Rihanna and her friends. Perhaps they could acquaint themselves with a greater God," he told the BBC.

Insanely Bored Americans Are Vacationing on Farms

Hamilton Nolan · 06/10/11 10:44AM

Those lucky enough to grow up ensconced in the idyllic and unchanging lifestyle on the classic American farm have always possessed a bit of wisdom that hapless urbanites never acquired. "Sweet Jesus," the farmers say, as they lean against a wooden fence, chewing on a stalk of some sort of grain, "I'm so fucking bored. Get me off this farm before I blow my brains out. Amen."


Max Read · 01/25/11 03:32AM

[A villager rides a bullock cart in Kosi village, more than 100 miles from Patna, India. Image via AP]

Suck It Up About How Life Sucks

Hamilton Nolan · 08/02/10 04:03PM

The Way We Live Now: without the kitchen sink. We sold it off, along with the rest of the house. Had to. Can't afford a home. Can't afford a decent train. And even god can't get us a vacation.

Pareene · 12/12/07 10:01AM

David Rockefeller Sr., Paul Allen, Edgar Bronfman, Leonard Lauder, Scottie Pippen, and David Letterman all receive big farm subsidy checks from Uncle Sam, according to an investigation by the Post. That Connecticut home pays for itself! Letterman and Rockefeller reportedly give their regular checks to charity. Manhattanite Phyllis Joyner received $213,998 from 2003 to 2005. "I'm actually in Virginia receiving farm subsidies," she told the Post from her East Village apartment. We are so claiming residence at our parents' house in Minnesota and "growing" some "sorghum." Then we're quitting too! [NYP]