Boston Got Lots of Excuses All of a Sudden

Hamilton Nolan · 03/18/15 09:10AM

It wasn't so long ago that Boston, a highway rest stop on the road from New York to Maine, was pining for the world's spotlight and asking to host the Olympic games and generally be the center of attention. My, how things change.

Drunk Guy Goes For Drive With Pet Squirrel, Blames Subsequent DUI on Squirrel

Kate Bennert · 09/26/12 04:00PM

Luckily the local news was there to interview the drunk guy (and the squirrel). According to police reports, the squirrel was "eating him." According to Drunk Guy's girlfriend, the squirrel wasn't "eating him; he was just crawling around in his shirt." According to Drunk Guy himself, the squirrel was "just tired" and "resting" in Drunk Guy's shirt. Now that that's cleared up, the reporter informs us that Drunk Guy was indeed drunk and has renamed the squirrel DUI (pronounced: doo-ee).

Accused Murderer Says Barry White's Voice and Olivia Newton-John's Body Made Him Do It

Maureen O'Connor · 02/21/12 01:58PM

As the murder trial of Decatur, Georgia's Hemy Neuman wraps up, we discover that Neuman admits he shot Russell Sneiderman outside the man's 2-year-old son's preschool. His lawyers say he should be found not guilty by reason of insanity because "he was visited by a demon who sounded like Barry White and an angel who looked like Olivia Newton-John before he shot and killed a toddler's father outside a preschool." Prosecutors says Hemy's motive was jealousy. [AP]

Riotous Ravers Blamed for Rave Movie Cancellations

Jeff Neumann · 08/04/11 04:25AM

What's worse than going to a rave? Watching a rave in a movie theater, that's what. But even if you felt like spending your Thursday evening in a theater watching people on drugs dance around, it's no longer an option for many. The repercussions from last week's riot in Los Angeles that shut down the premiere of the Electric Daisy Carnival Experience are being felt across the country now, after theaters cancelled more than 500 one-night-only screenings of the film.

Paz de la Huerta's Excuse for Assault: 'I'm a Real Actress, HBO'

Maureen O'Connor · 04/19/11 10:59AM

María de la Paz Elizabeth Sofía Adriana de la Huerta—known to mere mortals as actress Paz de la Huerta—has been charged with third-degree assault, attempted assault, harassment, and criminal possession of a weapon for a bar brawl with MTV reality star Samantha Swetra.