Another gruesome elevator death has shocked and terrified an already lift-phobic city. But this time it was no accident — as was the case with Wednesday's freak crushing of a 41-year-old ad executive at a Madison Ave. building — but rather a carefully premeditated act of murder perpetrated upon a 73-year-old Brooklyn woman. The term "coldblooded" here does not even begin to scratch the surface.
The golden age of anonymous corporate elevator Twitter accounts is ending. It lasted about a week. After @CondeElevator closed down operations because "This got really crazy. Love my job," a series of knock-off elevator Twitter accounts launched. The only worthwhile one was @GSElevator, tweeting overheard conversations from Goldman Sachs branches the world around. According to Page Six, the company's notorious rigid management has "kicked off an internal probe" on the matter. After reportedly trying—and failing—to get Twitter to freeze the account, Goldman is now "investigating who is behind it. They believe it is an intern or a young gun, but there are enough facts on the feed for bosses to suspect it is someone with access inside the company."
If you've ever been tempted to get it on in an elevator—or you just use your trips up and down to tend to matters of personal hygiene—keep in mind that if there's a camera in the elevator (and there probably is), your doorman is watching. And he's taking notes. According to an employee of a virtual doorman company that monitors the goings-on at 100 co-ops and condos in the city, men and women do very different things when they step into an elevator on their own:
You know those LCD screens in office building elevators? The ones that deliver a few news headlines and the weather forecast, along with stream of ads since your eyeballs aren't inundated with enough commercials during the course of the day as it is? One of the largest companies in the industry, Captivate, announced they'd be "extending" the news experience to your desktop, just in case those snippets of info don't quite satisfy your desire to remain up-to-date on world affairs. Yes, the company that doesn't actually "captivate" but just takes advantage of captive audiences is now going to try and, well, captivate us!
Getting stuck in an elevator could be the new path to media stardom. It did wonders for the guy from BusinessWeek who got trapped in one for 41 hours and ended up losing his job and his mental health. But he did get in the New Yorker! Now the parodies have begun, and this one, from Max Silvestri of 23/6, is actually pretty hilarious. Be warned, though: it makes light of the serious issue of elevator survival skills. Clip below.
In 1999, BusinessWeek production manager Nicholas White went outside to smoke a cigarette and, upon returning, got stuck in an elevator. For 41 hours. The story of his ordeal is woven through Nick Paumgarten's new New Yorker feature about elevators, and is, predictably, the most interesting part. It's amazing how much 41 hours in a small metal box altered White's life forever, for the worse. And—oh yes—there is (sped-up) security camera footage of him the entire time. It's mesmerizing, because you can imagine him slowly going insane, which is exactly what's happening. Below, the video, and the article's summary of White's life since he was rescued. Let this be a cautionary tale to all of you who may find yourself similarly ensared in this most primal of New York office drone nightmares!
Now that New York Times staffers are all settled in their fancy new building with the indoor arboretum and the finicky windowpanes, we wondered what the company might be doing to impress upon employees that their comforts and convenience remain priorities. As it turns out, the Times HR department wants everyone to know they're still listening. "We recently implemented some changes to better suit the needs of our employees," reads today's in-houseTimes newsletter [PDF link]. For instance! Bike racks are promised! Name plate holders for the copy desk too! Also, in the interest of convenience, staircases are now numbered "on the inside railing on each staircase—now when walking between floors you can easily know your location." Pardon us for saying so, but aren't well-marked means of egress, you know, prerequisites to passing city building and fire codes? We decided to poke around in the code to find out, and hey, how about that! They totally are.
So that giant hippie freak Choire was deeply moved and whatever by today's Times story on the sad state of the Bronx Family Court elevators. Pinko commie softie. Elevators are a privilege, not a right! If they've got a reason to be in family court, then they probably don't deserve modern mechanical conveniences anyway.