Study: It's Your Fault Your Kids Are Dumb

Hamilton Nolan · 07/14/14 08:30AM

Has your child had trouble at school? Have you tried tutoring, extra homework time, and everything else you can think of, with little improvement? Relax. According to the latest research, your kid's fate is already sealed.

Hamilton Nolan · 07/01/13 04:24PM

Despite a lawsuit from angry parents alleging "an effort to promote Eastern religion," a judge has ruled that a California school district may teach yoga.

Kids These Days Just as Dumb as You Were

Hamilton Nolan · 06/28/13 08:38AM

Every once in a while you run into one of these fresh-mouthed young high school graduates declaring they're going to "change the world" with their "apps" and their "new paradigm" and their "great idea for an electronic dance beat." News flash, kiddos: you're mediocre at best, just like your old man.

If You Go to College to Learn to Blog You Are a God Damn Sucker

Hamilton Nolan · 02/18/13 05:50PM

So then, it's a new academic program straight outta Duke University: "Write(H)ers," which will, according to the Duke Chronicle, "create a community of feminist-oriented writers," by, you know, teaching women how to blog. Specifically—direct quote—"The 23 members of the program will participate in personal blogging." This new program is officially sponsored by the Women's Center at Duke University, a school with a tuition of $43,623 per year.

Texas Teachers Are Basically Prison Wardens

Hamilton Nolan · 06/13/11 04:44PM

Sure, bleeding heart PC types killed a bill earlier this year that would have allowed guns on college campuses in Texas. Consolation prize: Texas is "close to enacting" a new bill that will give school teachers detailed criminal histories of all their students. Because you never know when the next six-year-old will shoot up the school, or which kid's birthday party is actually cover for a cockfighting ring. Down in Texas, the legislators are armed, the merest whiff of lawbreaking gets you jailed, and prisoners get put down like dogs. You never know when one of these public school kids might get brainwashed by a Muslim textbook and start some serious jee-had. If our teachers can't have guns, well, at least we can "arm" them with the precise knowledge of just how evil these felons-to-be lurking in their classroom are. And also, maybe arm them with a knife?

Law School Even More of a Ripoff Than Previously Thought

Hamilton Nolan · 05/02/11 09:49AM

Law school is a huge ripoff—a catch-all haven for slackers and the existentially aimless, where you'll go into a huge amount of debt in order to surround yourself with beer pong-players and cute little dogs, and emerge unemployable, with nothing to do with your worthless new skills except sue to try to get your law school tuition back. Now, we can add to that list: they'll bait-and-switch your ass out of scholarship money, on purpose!

Hot New Education Trend: Segregation

Hamilton Nolan · 01/28/11 10:03AM

At McCaskey East High School in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, junior class students break into groups each day to meet with mentors for an "enriching" experience. The twist: all the groups are totally segregated by race and gender! Apparently some people object?

Chinese Kids Officially Smarter Than Us

Hamilton Nolan · 12/07/10 03:07PM

The results are in: on a respected international standardized test, students in Shanghai beat the tar out of everyone in science, reading and math. The U.S. finished 23rd, 17th, and 32nd, respectively. Yea, well...Yao Ming is slow. [NYT]