Every issue, Us Weekly runs a feature called "25 Things You Don't Know About Me," in which a celebrity, ostensibly, writes up interesting 25 facts about themselves (and then an intern transliterates their incomprehensible hieroglyphics into human letters). Normally, these lists give readers a chance to learn 24 things they already knew about a celebrity (Zooey Deschanel started "a comedy website" called Hello Giggles) plus one weird, new fact (Zooey Deschanel hates papaya).
When a waiter approaches Diller with a plate, he sniffs, "You're actually bringing food?"
Browsing the latest Worth 1000 Photoshop contest that challenges participants to take the fanciful leap of imagination required to render some of the world's biggest female stars as anorexics (whoever submitted the Nicole Kidman entry really should have been disqualified for lazily adding barely a brushstroke), we were struck by how much the Jessica Alba-with-a-meth-habit "after" submission was evocative of contemporary Teri Hatcher portraiture. It should be a comfort to Alba knowing that long after she has tumbled off the "must" lists and descended into a decade-and-a-half-long tailspin at the crusty bottom of a glass pipe, our love of a good comeback will always ensure that Hollywood's door will forever remain, for lack of a better turn of phrase, cracked open.
• Despite her sharply protruding breastplate, Keira Knightley is not anorexic. She's not eating, per se, but that's a minor detail. Just because you drink water and eat iceberg lettuce until your thighs are as thin as your finger does not mean you're anorexic. Now go focus on Kate Bosworth or something. [People]
• Not even the Gays will shell out $800 to see Barbra Streisand emote; promoters face losing some astronomical amount like $15 million. If Jersey ever reopens, look for for Babs at the Borgata. [Page Six]
• 5WPR — yes, the house of Ronn [sic] Torrossian — tries to steal Britney Spears away from Leslie Sloane Zelnik, who's been getting a little lazy on managing the gum-snapping wonder. Don't try to digest this one: only Torrossian can understand why someone would want the Spears account. [Lowdown]
• Don't you dare think Star Jones drives a Honda. [TMZ]
• Kathy Hilton mistakes Bryant Gumbel for Al Reynolds. Write your own "they all look the same" joke here. Bonus point for insinuating Gumbel's a switch-hitter. [Page Six]
• Meg Ryan takes her fake lips and fake Maddox to Chappaquiddick. [R&M]
In a January 9 email statement, Lohan writes: "The words that I gave to the writer for Vanity Fair were misused and misconstrued, and I'm appalled with the way it was done." The magazine, however, claims everything Lohan said to reporter Evgenia Peretz is on tape. So, uh, what words would be misconstrued here? When Lindsay was feeling down, she'd have an energy surge instead of a need to purge? Right.