Is This The Worst Person On The Internet?

Danny Gold · 02/27/12 11:40PM

I'm going to go with a resounding YES. I don't have the energy to fact check the entire thing, but something tells me this line at 1:52 might not actually be true: "When your obese brothers and sisters get stuck on the stairway on 9/11 preventing fit people from getting through and surviving you make it part of my business."

The Neo-Nazis of Hipster Brooklyn

Danny Gold · 02/27/12 08:30PM

It was bad enough living next to a superfund site with limited subway access, but now these neo-Nazis prowling the streets are really making life in Greenpoint unappealing. Right next to the vegan bakeries and rockabilly barbers, wafting in like the stench of rotten pirogis, a group of misguided Polish youth are embodying the worst stereotypes of their homeland.

Don't Touch Your Handgun When Driving on the Highway

Jeff Neumann · 08/18/11 05:41AM

A young man in Tennessee is facing criminal charges after he had to be Lifeflighted off the highway for treatment of gunshot wounds. No, he wasn't involved in a road rage shootout. 23-year-old Justin Newberry accidentally shot himself in both legs after his handgun, The Judge, slid out from under his seat while he was driving. Newberry grabbed The Judge by its trigger. Oh, and cops found weed, paraphernalia and fake IDs in the car. Ahh... there's nothing quite like being 23, high as fuck, armed and driving.

When Making It Rain Goes Wrong

Jeff Neumann · 08/10/11 04:30AM

A 43-year-old dentist from the Chicago area, William Anthony Howe is recovering in the hospital after he crashed head-on into another car on the interstate last Saturday. Howe was going the wrong way and the two people in the car he crashed into are dead. And it gets worse: A witnesses told the Chicago Tribune that Howe "was rifling around his passenger seat and picked up a handful of cash and threw it out the window." Several cars pulled over to grab the money. Shockingly, Howe was driving a red Porsche. So, why would some dickhead in a Porsche make it rain while driving the wrong way on the interstate? This could have something to do with it:

Look Around Before Hotboxing in a McDonald's Drive-Thru

Jeff Neumann · 06/15/11 06:40AM

There are very few instances when eating anything at all from McDonald's deserves a pass. Post-joint/blunt/bong rip/whatever is one of them. But when you're getting high in public it pays to be at least somewhat vigilant (when possible). Just ask flagrant 21-year-old Jose Barrera of Elgin, Illinois:

Teacher Suspended for Mocking Muslim Student After Bin Laden's Death

Jim Newell · 05/04/11 12:41PM

A Houston teacher of the ancient Islamic discipline "Algebra" has been suspended for making fun of a ninth grade Muslim student, in front of the whole class, following Osama bin Laden's death. The PC Police strike again! As they should, because this guy sounds like a priceless moron.

Why Booze and Gun Shows Don't Mix

Jeff Neumann · 04/11/11 05:11AM

What's dumber than a gun show? A gun show that allows people to bring their own weapons. Especially when someone decides they're going to bring a .45 caliber handgun after they've been drinking, load said handgun, and then accidentally shoot an old man and a teenager. According to the AP, 30-year-old Joshua Wilkinson went to the Tri-State Gun and Knife Show on Saturday in Evansville, Indiana, where: