Ayo Chet Haze Isn't Down With Weak Kids Who Kill Themselves

Hamilton Nolan · 05/09/12 10:49AM

So then, let's all, in unison, read this thing written on the Twitter yesterday (and then deleted) by Chet Haze, the best rapping son of an Academy Award winner Northwestern University has seen since Peter Fonda drunkenly performed "My Adidas" on the quad in 1986. This could be Chet Haze's most controversial piece of Twitter wisdom since "What's your sex playlist called? Mines called 'we fuckin' LOL I'm serious tho."

Science: Americans Can't Count

Hamilton Nolan · 01/18/10 10:59AM

Number-talkin' scientists report that Americans can speak English and count to ten, but not at the same time. A study shows that our brains perceive the vowel sounds in "two" to represent something large, while the vowel sounds in "three" represent something small (in our brains, still). So people estimated that a $3 item marked down to $2.22 was actually more expensive than a $3 item marked down to $2.33.

Milwaukee Columnist Overeats For Freedom

Hamilton Nolan · 05/23/08 08:26AM

Last weekend Barack Obama once again revealed his anti-Americanism when he told a crowd, "We can't drive our SUVs and, you know, eat as much as we want and keep our homes on, you know, 72 degrees all the time, whether we're living in the desert or we're living in the tundra, and then just expect every other country is going to say OK." Hey, maybe Barack can speak for the Muslims who won't eat as much as they want. But Milwaukee Journal Sentinel columnist Patrick McIlheran is sick of you arugula-scarfing elites telling him and his family what to eat. And his trip to some Jewish restaurant in New York proves he's right, somehow!

Jewish Ad Banned For Scary Missile Scene

Hamilton Nolan · 04/08/08 09:04AM

The American Jewish Committee wanted to run a pro-Israel ad on classical radio station WQXR in New York. The ad's opening line is "Imagine you had 15 seconds to find shelter from an incoming missile." The station decided not to run the ad, despite the fact that it has plenty of Jewish listeners. The reason, according to the station's GM? "First, the opening line . . . does not make clear that the potential target of the missile is not our listening area, and as a consequence, runs the risk of raising anxiety in a misleading way." Good to see the radio industry has learned its lesson after that whole "War of the Worlds" fiasco in 1938! This is also why old people should not be allowed to listen to the radio. [NYP]