Hamilton Nolan · 06/24/16 11:30AM

So far the best thing anyone’s been able to say about the Brexit fallout is that it probably(?) will not be as bad as the collapse of Lehman Bros, which sent the U.S. into a once-in-a-lifetime recession. So... green shoots.

If You Have Ever Smoked, Just Give Up

Hamilton Nolan · 06/20/16 08:20AM

Are you now or have you ever been a smoker of the dreaded “tobacky?” Perhaps you gave up the habit long ago, for your health? No matter—you are doomed.

How Scared Should You Be of a Chinese Financial Meltdown? 

Hamilton Nolan · 06/06/16 03:55PM

You may be a busy person, but it is important to keep up-to-date on the most current threats to the stability of the global economy, which could plunge us all into poverty and despair. Speaking of that, is China poised for a disaster of hideous proportions?

Big Money Guy: Bad Shit Coming 

Hamilton Nolan · 05/26/16 02:35PM

The longer we go without a major financial crisis, the more tempting it becomes for the billionaire investors to jump in with their wager that the next crisis is coming soon. Another master of the universe has officially jumped onto the “doom is at hand” train.

Florida, Prepare to Be Underwater

Hamilton Nolan · 03/14/16 12:25PM

The climate is changing. The earth is warming. Sea levels are rising. We know all of these things to be true. Today, we have a clearer picture of who could soon be inundated by the mighty oceans, and where they might go ( to a watery grave).

Hamilton Nolan · 01/20/16 11:31AM

The Dow Jones Industrial Average is down (another) 400 points so far today, as oil prices continue to fall with no end in sight and a major investment bank announces new layoffs. Like 2008, this will be a year of panic. Prepare.

Hamilton Nolan · 12/04/15 03:05PM

Barnes and Noble plans to save itself from inevitable death by “expanding its offerings of toys, games, gadgets and other gifts and reshaping the nation’s largest bookstore chain into a ‘lifestyle brand.’” Eh. Gawker readers once suggested “Turn them into bars,” which seems more likely to succeed.

Hamilton Nolan · 09/25/15 11:30AM

“Investing in the water industry is one of the great opportunities for the coming decades,” says a New York money manager. “Water is the scarce resource that will define the 21st century, much like plentiful oil defined the last century.” Oh goodie. The 21st century is gonna be great.

Old People Gonna Be Dying More (From Heat)

Hamilton Nolan · 06/23/15 09:35AM

Lo! What fresh horrors shall the demon gods of global warming be visiting upon humanity in the near future, according to relentlessly negative scientists? Well, killing grandma, for one.