Pope Francis longs for many things in life, surely: World peace, the Parousia, the latitude to say that women can be priests...you know, stuff like that. The one thing he wants for himself? Pasta. And now Vatican doctors are telling him he can’t have it, because he’s gained a little weight since moving to Italy.
The Disney Channel just pulled an episode of their show Jessie that makes fun of a child who refuses to eat gluten. In the show, the kid turns down pancakes, and then has pancakes thrown at him while he squeals "gluten!" and scratches his face. One character says to him: "You call me sweetie again, and you'll be eating some gluten-free knuckles."
Weight Watchers International made profits of $253 million last year by charging people a monthly fee for diet advice that is available for free elsewhere, and selling packaged diet food that is inferior to other food available more cheaply elsewhere. But hey, whatever works for you, etc etc. A more basic problem: they exploit their workers.
Wisconsin Republican Rep. Jim Sensenbrenner hates how Michelle Obama is constantly forcing sickening Muslim traditions like "vegetables" and "exercise" on the youth of America—especially when she herself is so disgustingly corpulent, in the butt area. He hates it so much he can't even keep quiet about it!
Welcome to Gift Guide Week at Gawker, where we instruct on how best to fritter away your hard-won dollars on meaningless tokens of consumerism, because a bastard baby was born in a pile of hay on a clear night 2000 years ago. Let's start with the people you want to cross off your shopping list: people you hate.
Americans are reportedly 20 pounds heavier, on average, than we were in 1990. Wha? Were people really so fine, in 1990, outside of In Living Color's The Fly Girls? It's okay, though; we've made certain... psychological adjustments. We now have raised our self-reported "ideal weight" by ten pounds. No matter how big we get, our problem is just those last ten pounds! From a new Gallup poll: